Dark and Light
by Raging Kitsune
Summary: Hiead and Zero break into their usual fighting routine but end up somwhere different... Hiead x Zero (a.k.a. yaoi) [8 parts, complete]
1. Prelude

Started on December 30, 2001

Completed on January 1, 2002

*sheepish* Yes, Kitsune went and wrote a yaoi fic. Bad Kits. Of course it's Hiead x Zero ^_-

__

Dark and Light - Part 1

By Silver Kitsune

I could feel the adrenaline begin to pump as soon as the first contact was made. I reeled backwards, my hand lingering over my bruised cheek. But I didn't feel any pain. It tingled almost pleasantly, making me want more.

I quickly counterattacked, launching my fist into his stomach. 

A soft gasp passed through his lips. He grabbed my fist and held it where it was, preventing me from taking it back. I tried to punch him with my other hand, but he easily blocked it.

It was then that a slight smirk crossed his face.

I could feel something bubble up inside of me. With a burst of strength, I wrenched my wrist free from his grasp and yanked his upper arm toward me, pinning it securely behind his back before he could escape.

He struggled to break free, but soon found there to be no escape.

I leaned my head over his shoulder with my lips hovering beside his ear. "Looks like I win."

He shivered as my breath touched his ear.

"No," he protested, but I could feel him losing strength from all of his struggling.

Now it was my turn to smirk.

Then he did something that surprised me. He gave up. Completely gave in, just slumped back into my arms.

"You win, Hiead."

I was so startled that I dropped my hold from his arms.

He sighed, sinking to the floor and resting his head on the bridge formed by his knees.

I shook my head. This wasn't how things went. He *never* gave up. That was what made him a worthy adversary.

Now he looked up at me with those deep blue eyes. "I'm tired of fighting you," he murmured, sounding a lot more mature than he was entitled to be. However, his eyes completely contrasted his tone, holding more innocence than I have ever seen in a person.

Before I could stop it, his name was escaping my lips. "Zero..."

He attempted to smile at me, but I could see the sadness lurking within his eyes. "Hey now, don't feel too confident. I'm sure we can go for another round tomorrow where I will most definitely kick your ass."

I snorted. "You wish."

Zero just laughed softly, hugging his knees closer to his chest.

I was almost... worried. I'd never seen Zero so complacent, so quiet. I sat down on my bed, subconsciously rubbing at my wrist.

Clay had gone off somewhere with Saki, leaving Zero and me to our own devices. This was never a good thing. A fight had quickly erupted; I don't even remember what it was about. Something involving sneakers and Zero's shortness. He had been so quick to jump down my throat, but now, to see him just give in like this...

"Ne, Hiead," he said suddenly.

I glared at him, making sure he didn't see any of the worry that had reached into my eyes. Really, it annoyed me that he could get to me. I needed to do something about that...

"Uh, well..." he trailed off, looking away from my face. Then his eyes widened. "Holy-"

I blinked, surprised by his reaction. "What?"

"Your wrist!" he said, pointing frantically as he jumped to his feet.

"Hm?" I murmured, glancing down. My wrist was resting in my lap. Nothing strange about that. But then there was that bone puncturing at the skin and the blood dripping steadily onto my thigh.

Zero was quickly crossing the small room, pausing only to pick up one of his shirts from the floor. He reached out to take my wrist, which I quickly snatched away.

"I don't need your help," I said coldly.

Zero ignored me and tried to get to my wrist.

"I said that I don't want your help!" I snapped, pushing him away with my good arm.

"Stop being stupid and let me help," Zero said, beginning to sound annoyed.

"That's ironic coming from you," I commented, but I held my wrist out to him.

Zero looked kind of surprised. I was surprised myself. I never know what it is that comes over me when I'm with him, I never know how I'm going to react. His own unpredictability seems to evoke reactions from me that I wouldn't usually have.

Zero now reached out and took my wrist gently into his hand.

"Shit, man, how could you not notice _that_?" he asked, wrapping the shirt around my bleeding wrist.

"It doesn't hurt," I said with a shrug.

Zero rolled his eyes. "You're inhuman, you know... It must have happened when you yanked your wrist out of my grip." Now he tied the shirt in a thick bow so it wouldn't slide off.

I removed my wrist from his hold, returning it to my lap.

"Okay, let's go," Zero said.

"Go where?" I asked.

Zero blinked. "Uh, the infirmary."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why would I need to go there?"

Zero stretched an arm behind his head. "Um, because you're bleeding and there's a bone popping out of your wrist?"

"Not a very good reason," I replied with a shrug.

Zero stared at me. "You really are a pain in the ass, you know."

I just met his gaze evenly.

Zero sighed and grabbed my good arm, attempting to pull me off the bed.

I just sat there, not budging. Really, I don't know why I was being so stubborn. Probably just to piss him off, and yet...

"Man, you're heavy," Zero whined, now pulling at me with all of his strength.

Maybe I just wanted his attention...

"Hiead, come on!" Zero said, starting to budge me from my spot.

Or maybe I just wanted to play with him...

Overtaken by a sudden impulse, I reached out with my bandaged hand and yanked at _his_ arm, pulling him towards me.

"W-what the-" Zero stammered as he dropped onto my lap.

I smirked at him.

Zero began to look uneasy. "Anou..."

But he didn't try to move.

I smirked a little more and pulled him up so that he was straddling my lap.

"What are you doing Hiead?" he asked, trying to sound threatening, but his voice came out much more... husky.

"I often wonder what it is about you that captivates me so much," I said, gazing into those innocent blue eyes that were now wide with surprise. He tried to look away, but I quickly caught his face in my good hand and forced him to look at me. "I thought it might be your persistence. Your determination? Or maybe your unending energy."

"Hiead..."

"But now I know what it is."

Zero blinked, still trying to comprehend what was going on.

I leaned in closer, letting my breath tickle his face. "It's your innocence," I murmured, drawing still closer.

I could feel his face growing redder and redder as I continued. I was so close now that my lips hovered barely centimeters from his.

"Wh-what are you going to do about it?" Zero asked nervously.

"Take it," I whispered, pressing my lips firmly to his as I casually slipped my tongue into his mouth.

Zero struggled to push me away, but I forcefully pulled him closer. Besides, there really wasn't anywhere else to go but off the edge of the bed.

He sat there rigidly. I let my hand start to massage at his shoulders, trying to get him to relax. My tongue teased at his own, trying to get it to come and play, too.

And very slowly he started to relax into my arms, tentatively returning the kiss.

I drew back after a few moments, catching my breath and watching Zero's face with amusement. His eyes were still closed and his lips remained slightly parted, but there was a look of general confusion etched across his face.

"Zero..." I whispered into his ear.

Zero's eyes jerked open and he turned to stare at me, his eyes holding a look I had never seen before.

That look... It was filled with...

I just couldn't place it, it was an emotion that had never been sent in my direction before. I dare say it looked affectionate... loving even...

And just as soon as it appeared, it was gone, replaced by anger.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he practically screamed at me, shoving himself off of my lap and tumbling to the floor.

I raised an eyebrow as he scrambled to upright himself.

"Why are you doing this?" he snapped angrily, shoving his messy bangs out of his eyes. "Why are you- how can you..." Just as soon as his anger appeared, it began to deplete. "Why would you..." he trailed off, a few unshed tears kissing the corners of his eyes.

He looked adorable like that, in a complete state of disarray with tears shimmering in his eyes. I wanted to take him right then and there.

Zero looked up at me and quickly saw the lust so blatantly written across my face. He blushed and looked away.

"Ne, Hiead," he murmured.

"Aa?"

"I... what do you want from me?" Zero asked.

"I thought it was obvious," I leered at him.

Zero's blush increased. "But why? Why this sudden change? Did you find out... You must know that I have... feelings for you."

"I wasn't really sure, but that does make things more interesting," I replied, smirking with pleasure.

"Then why are you playing with me like this?" he snapped.

Well, couldn't he just see right through me? I shrugged. "I was bored."

Zero looked really hurt at that one.

And I loved it. Damn, I'm sadistic.

"I hate you..." Zero murmured.

I dropped down to the floor in front of him. "You don't mean that," I said, tapping my index finger on his lips and grinning.

"Shaddup," he muttered, swatting my hand away.

I snorted and pounced at him, pinning him to the floor.

Zero glared at me, but it was really half-hearted.

I could feel the shirt starting to slide off my now throbbing wrist. However, I chose to ignore it and focus my attention on kissing Zero thoroughly. 

Zero seemed agreeable to the idea as he wrapped his arms around my neck. One of his hands started dragging through my hair.

I started exploring his mouth with my tongue, listening to the little sounds he was eliciting from the back of his throat.

It was about then that the door suddenly opened.

Both of our heads shot up as a figure entered the room.

"Hey, did you kill each other yet..." Clay trailed off, staring at us.

Zero shoved me off of him rather quickly.

"Almost..." he said with a nervous laugh. "Ah ha ha, that's what we're doing, fighting again, hahahaha..."

Clay shook his head. "Can't leave you two alone for five seconds..." he commented with a yawn, sitting down on his bed. "Hey, what happened to your wrist?"

Zero paused in his insane laughter to remember, "We were supposed to go to the infirmary!" With that, he was grabbing onto me and dragging me out the door.

We made the trek to the infirmary in complete silence. As soon as we reached the medic station, Zero just handed me off to the two nurses and took off. I watched his hasty retreat in amusement.

Zero Enna was certainly going to be a fun to play with.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

*blinks* Well, that didn't come out how I planned it... I actually started writing in Zero's POV and changed my mind about a page through and had to go back and change a bunch of stuff. Oh, well, comments are encouraged, criticism, too. Flames will be laughed at and be used to plaster my walls. I might just might continue writing this, depends on if my current Hiead x Zero mood continues ^_- Actually, this is kinda short, I might just make this part longer.


	2. Reflections

Started on January 7, 2002

Completed on January 19, 2002

Such nice reviews, Kitsune's all floaty... Eh, need sleep. So here I bestow upon you part 2 for everyone who asked for it.

Zero POV

__

Dark and Light - Part 2

By Silver Kitsune

I felt the tranquillity of the scene wash over me as I sat under the large tree, a breeze playing with the hairs on the back of my neck.

"Zero."

She just kind of stood there, her hair twirling around her elegant frame. Her eyes slowly drifted towards mine, reaching out to my very soul.

"Zero."

But now her voice was changing. Instead of sounding gentle and comforting, she sounded almost angry.

Her eyes started to flicker, becoming cold and hard.

I stumbled to my feet, backing away. This wasn't supposed to happen...

She took a threatening step toward me, eyes boring into me.

I shivered as the breeze became a cold wind and the sun dipped behind the black clouds.

"Zero."

The word struck me like daggers. I took another step backwards, only to find my back knocking against the tree. I let my eyes venture up to meet hers again, then froze.

Her eyes burned with fury that I could only associate with one person... 

She reached out her hand and wrapped her slim fingers around my neck, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Why?" I demanded softly with what little breath I had left.

And suddenly it wasn't the girl in my dreams but Hiead who was squeezing at my throat.

"Because I hate you."

* * * * *

I awoke with a start. My entire body was sheened in sweat, causing me to shiver. I pulled my blanket up closer around me, nestling into its warmth.

My eyes drifted over to the bed next to mine where Clay was slumbering peacefully, his soft snoring the only sound filling the room. My eyes now wandered over to Hiead's bed, which I found to be empty.

I quickly located the missing occupant. He was sitting in a small chair that had been tucked away the corner of the room, his knees pulled up to his chest. He stared vacantly into space, looking completely... lost.

I tried to look away but failed. When he looked vulnerable like that... I knew that he was human. It was a small comfort in the daily hell that he subjected me to.

He quickly caught my staring eyes and glared at me. He was never overly pleasant in the morning.

Scratch that, he was never pleasant.

I sat up and stretched, attempting to ignore his glaring eyes. The same eyes from my dream... God, he was even haunting me when I slept.

"You're up early," I commented with a yawn, a quick glance at the clock telling me that it was only 5:30.

"It's the only time this room is quiet," he commented, giving his own body a quick stretch.

It was kinda nice how his shirt rode up as he stretched, showing off his nice, smooth abs... Christ, I sound like a drooling schoolgirl. Stupid Zero. Hate Hiead. Evil. Gr.

The room fell quiet again, the steady cadence of Clay's snoring adding a rhythm to the silence. I closed my eyes, feeling my breathing begin to steady.

"I could kill you, you know...."

My eyes flew open. Hiead was now leaning over my bed, his eyes boring into me. I shivered as I remembered my dream. Those same eyes... so cold, so angry.

"I..." I fumbled to find words. I finally settled for confusion. "What?"

Hiead leaned in closer to me. "I could kill you..." he repeated. "I could touch you, I could hurt you, I could kiss you. I could do anything. Because *I'm* in control."

I pushed myself into a sitting position, trying to avoid his intense gaze. "What're you rambling about so early in the morning?" I murmured, shoving my bangs out of my eyes.

"You know what I'm talking about," he hissed, slamming me back against the headboard.

I flinched as my head knocked against the wall.

"You're powerless, you're nothing! I'm in control, not you!"

I saw his right wrist trembling from the strain of use. I carefully reached out and pulled it off of my shoulder, holding the bandaged wrist in my hand. "You shouldn't be using this."

He pressed me closer to the wall with his good hand. "Don't presume to tell me what to do."

I frowned at him, trying to show more annoyance than the rampant fear running through my body.

It washes over him all of the sudden. For no reason, he just turns on me, gets angry with me. Of course, there are times when he is well provoked, but that's a different sort of anger. He's actually happy to be angry when that happens. I see it in his eyes, how much he likes to fight me, to experience pain and to inflict it. I find that scary in a completely different way from the anger he's currently emanating.

I usually can't see it coming. One minute we're talking, the next he'll be jumping down my throat. It's not so much that he's angry with something I've done- it's more like he's angry with me for... who I am...

Ever since our first meeting, he's hated me, hated everything about me. We're two people who are so different, yet so the same. Sometimes I wonder if he wishes he was more like me...

But really, who am I to examine the psyche of Hiead Gner?

Hiead Gner who was currently pinning me against a wall and looked as though he wished for my blood to be splattered across the pristine white surface.

"Ne, Hiead, Instructor might be kinda pissed if you killed me before our pro-ing warm-ups today, uneven numbers and all. How about we put this off until tomorrow?"

Hiead blinked. Then he laughed softly and gave me a good shove into the wall as he got up.

I slumped against the headboard with relief. I was never quite sure how he was going to react to what I say. Sometimes he laughs, sometimes he gets even more pissed. Luck of the draw.

With his anger back down to a normal level, Hiead now trekked across the room as though nothing had happened. He gathered up his clothes, heading off for the shower.

Mm. Hiead. Shower. Dirty thoughts.

AGH. How can I be so infatuated with someone who was about ready to kill me five seconds ago? He's such an asshole, arrogant too. We're always fighting and he's always angry with me or smirking at me or acting all superior and he's rude and he's cruel and he has stupid hair and I hate him and I need him and I care about him, maybe even love him... Why me?

Sulkingly, I pulled the covers over my head.

It had been a week since my little midnight rendezvous with Hiead. Okay, so it wasn't really midnight. More like a mid-afternoon rendezvous. Only without the rendezvous part. Because it was more of a mutual kicking of the ass followed by some lusty making out and some utter confusion. So there wasn't really any midnight or any rendezvous, just lots and lots of confusion.

But then again, who am I to analyze the events that take place in my life? After all, I only live them.

I don't even think I can begin to understand what happened that day. I let my emotions get the better of me, and for that I'm kicking myself. I got so sick of fighting with Hiead that I actually conceded to him. I just couldn't take it anymore, it hurt too much. I think it was that sign of vulnerability that might have opened up the gates for what followed.

When Hiead kissed me... God, I didn't know what to think. In a lot of ways, it just really hurt, more than any physical pain he could ever inflict on me. I knew it wasn't real. Deep down, I knew he wasn't doing it because he cares about me. It's all just a game to him, something to keep him amused.

Then I confessed my feelings toward him. I'm so stupid. He's right, he does have the power now. He knows how I feel, and I'm sure he'll exploit it every chance he gets. Of course, I wasn't thinking about that when I said it. Maybe I was just hoping that if I said something, he might say something, too. I knew he was playing with me, yet I couldn't push down that glimmer of a hope. Why oh why oh why am I so stupid?

I think things have only gotten worse since then.

Hiead's mood swings toward me have gotten even more violent. One minute he'll be all over me, the next he'll be screaming threats at me. We haven't gotten into a physical fight since then, per se, though Hiead often finds the need to punctuate all points he makes with some sort of random act of violence toward me. Like shoving me against a headboard and slamming my head into the wall.

He's also gotten rather pissed at me about making him go to the infirmary. After Dr. Rill performed her examination, she thought it best to have him stay out of training activities for a few days. This apparently led to a rather big fight between the two. It ended with Hiead getting a flexible cast slapped on his wrist and a sentence of two weeks without training activities. All the while, Hiead insisted that his wrist was fine and that it could heal on its own. He is utterly impossible.

Something nudging me drudged me back into reality.

"Zero-kun, it's time for breakfast."

I peeked out over my blankets to find Clay anxiously hovering over my bed.

"If you don't hurry, we're going to be late."

"Who cares?" I muttered, sitting up. I turned an accusing stare towards his direction. "You ruined my introspection."

Clay raised an eyebrow.

"What, like it's not possible that I could be lost in serious thought?"

Clay raised his eyebrow again.

I glared at him in annoyance. "Why does everyone always assume that I'm some stupid airhead?" I snapped, shoving him out of the way as I got up.

He stumbled backwards a bit, looking up at me in surprise.

"I wasn't just placed here for everyone's amusement, you know! Contrary to popular belief, I am a living and breathing human being with thoughts and feelings, not that anyone really cares..." I felt about ready to cry. God, he was getting to me when he wasn't even here.

Clay blinked. "Zero..." He started to reach out towards me.

"Just leave me alone," I snarled, shoving his hand away and storming out of the room.

I wasn't even going to think about who I was acting like. I'd rather just boil in my rage and pretend that I'm mad at Clay. Because thinking about why I'm really angry hurts too much.

I love him, I hate him.

Why can't he just leave me alone?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Tada.

This kind of took me a while to write... It was going along fine until I started trying to complicate things by coming up with a plot. Silly me. I quickly gave up on that endeavor and returned to writing the first things that popped into my head. So if this story seems to have no direction, um, blame Newt Gingrich and my Hello Kitty calendar.

Questions? Comments? Criticisms? Send them in my direction: reviews & e-mail are always greatly appreciated.


	3. Need

Started on January 28, 2002

Completed on March 16, 2002

[Notes: March 16 - Sorry it took me so long ^_^;; I didn't realize until a month into writing this part that I absolutely hated it, which was why it was taking me so long to write. I got rid of the entire part and embarked on a major rewrite, followed by several more. See, I'm not really a delinquent writer... This part's a bit longer if that's any consolation ^_^]

I decided to actually address a timeline. I'll attempt to stay true to the anime but we'll see how far that goes. This begins between Curriculum 05 and Curriculum 06 (all the pilots are still breathing, kouhosei getting ready for the big pro-ing fight, whee).

This part picks up right where the part 2 left off, Hiead POV.

__

Dark and Light - Part 3

By Silver Kitsune

The room was quiet when I returned. I sidestepped the mess of Zero's blankets strewn across the floor, reaching into my drawer and pulling out a brush. I gave my damp hair a couple of strokes, wandering over to my bed to sit down.

My eyes drifted over the empty room. I frowned, dropping my brush to the bed. The quiet was almost... unsettling.

Usually I thrived on the silence but somehow I'd grown almost accustomed to Zero's incessant chatter filling my ears at all hours of the day. Maybe I'd even grown fond of it.

My frown deepened.

I stood up again and tossed my brush back into its drawer. I was heading towards the door when it suddenly opened.

"Ze~ ah, Hiead-kun," Clay greeted, sticking his head in the doorway. "Have you seen Zero?"

I shrugged, looking as disinterested as possible.

"I wonder where he could have gone to?" he pondered, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

I shrugged again.

Clay sighed. "Oh, well, it's time for breakfast, anyway. You ready to go down?"

I nodded and the two of us started out towards the cafeteria.

"I'm kind of surprised that Zero didn't come back to the room yet," Clay commented. "He was really excited about the test today. I thought he'd be back by now... I wonder why he was so upset? He's just moody like that, I guess. But how's your wrist? You seem to be using it fine."

I flexed my wrist slowly in its brace. "It feels perfectly fine."

Clay shook his head with a smile. "You would probably say that if it was on backwards and dangling by a string."

"Probably," I replied, letting my wrist settle back at my side.

Clay laughed softly and we entered into the cafeteria line. We took our trays and got our food, then set out across the cafeteria.

"Over here!" Yamagi called, waving us over.

Clay and I made our way over to his table and sat down.

"Hey, guys," Yamagi greeted.

"Good morning, Yamagi," Clay replied, settling his tray in front of him.

Yamagi took a quick glance around. "Where's Zero?"

"I'm not quite sure... He took off early this morning and I haven't seen him since," Clay said.

"That's weird..." Yamagi commented, taking a bite of his breakfast.

Clay nodded his agreement. "Especially since he was so excited about today."

"I don't blame him," Yamagi commented, grinning. "Today is going to be awesome."

"It will certainly be interesting," Clay replied.

"Mm... we'll be learning all about the Pro-Ings. And we'll actually get to pilot them next week..."

I felt a flicker of annoyance. Today's curriculum was exceptionally important. And yet I wouldn't be able to participate in most of it. My fist clenched reflexively.

"I think it will be a great learning experience," Clay commented, leaning forward.

"And it will be the closest that we can get to piloting the Megami for a while," Yamagi added.

"Plus, it's going to be totally cool!" Zero declared, plopping his tray down next to mine.

"Zero-kun," Clay greeted. "You're looking cheerful."

Zero grinned at him brightly.

"When isn't he cheerful?" Yamagi muttered.

Zero just continued to grin. "At least I don't walk around with a stick up my ass all of the time."

An elbow to my side informed me that this comment was about me. Because I really needed the clarification.

"Moron," I muttered, bringing my fork up to my lips.

Yamagi and Clay exchanged a _look_.

Zero pursed his lips, his eyes narrowing. Then a slow smile crept across his face. "You know, it's too bad that you won't be able to participate in today's curriculum. I mean, wow, you're going to be so far behind the rest of us..."

I felt an eyebrow twitch.

"Doesn't it just drive you crazy?" Zero taunted cheerfully.

My eyes drifted over to his in agitation. "Zero," I murmured warningly. My glare was softened, though, by the hurt lurking within those sky blue depths.

"I was only trying to be sympathetic to your inadequacies," Zero declared, tearing his eyes away from mine. "It's such a shame that you won't get to pilot a pro-ing until long after the rest of us..."

My fork stabbed into my eggs a little harder than I intended.

Zero leaned back in his chair and smirked triumphantly.

And here I'd almost cared for a moment.

"I see the dog will beg for any scraps thrown in his direction," I commented, taking a bite of my eggs. Not my snappiest comeback, but sure to be effective.

There was a pause.

"Uh-oh..." Clay murmured, pushing himself to his feet. Yamagi followed in suit.

They weren't quick enough.

"I'm so sick of this *shit*," Zero growled, shoving me from my seat.

I caught myself on the table before I could hit the ground. Steadying myself, I strode forward and grabbed Zero by his shirt collar, yanking him toward me.

Zero glared up at me. "Let go," he said authoritatively.

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Zero-kun, Hiead-kun..." Clay said, trying to reason with us.

We ignored him.

"Let go," Zero repeated, still glaring at me. His eyes were filled with fire, burning and passionate.

"Come on, now, you can work this out," Clay commented nervously, trying to get between us.

I knocked him away with my free hand. "This is between me and Zero." 

Clay stumbled backwards, and Yamagi helped steady him.

"Zero?" Clay implored, his eyes lingering on the sprained wrist clutching Zero's shirt.

"Daijobu, Clay," Zero murmured, not taking his eyes from mine. "I can handle this."

"Can you?" I asked, tightening my grip.

A slow smirk worked its way across his mouth. With that defiant look in his eyes, he reached a hand up and pressed it over mine. He looked as though he were daring me to make the next move.

We stood there for a few moments, eyes locked.

I felt my fingers slowly unclench and release the white material clutched between them.

"Good choice," Zero chirped. Then he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the cafeteria.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, acutely aware of the eyes of the entire cafeteria watching our retreat.

"Well, I've been thinking..." he began, still dragging me behind him.

I shook his hand off of my arm in irritation. "That's a-"

"Don't even say it," Zero said, waggling a finger at me. "Anyway, at the rate we're going, we'll probably get ourselves kicked out of GOA in no time."

I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Remember what Clay said? About deductions for fighting?"

"I remember, I'm just surprised that you do," I replied.

"Hey, I listen sometimes..." Zero protested. "And this is important. I'm not going to throw away all of my dreams just because you find the inexplicable drive to pick a fight with me at every moment of the day."

"Me? Don't blame this all on me. You're driving down a two way street, Precious."

Zero sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, yeah, fine, whatever. The point is that we have to settle this thing between us."

"And how do you propose we do that?" I asked, leaning against the doorway as Zero fumbled to get the door to our room open.

Zero reached out and pulled me through the door after him. I was surprised to feel his arms wrap around my waist as he kicked the door shut behind us.

"Hiead..." he murmured, tucking his head under my chin.

I could feel his hair tickling the bottom of my nose. The soft scent of Zero's shampoo wafted up into my nose. I felt my arms slip around his slender frame.

He looked up at me, almost shyly. He slowly leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. I could feel him gently tugging on my bottom lip, his shy kiss still brimming with inexperience. It was... cute.

Yet there was something more to it. I found myself pulling him closer, one hand slipping down the arch of his back while the other became lost in his soft mass of hair.

I'd never experienced such emotion behind a kiss.

It made me feel... I don't know how it made me feel. Vulnerable... yet safe.

Zero's mouth finally retreated from mine, his eyes still closed.

I suddenly felt empty. I pulled Zero closer, pressing a soft kiss to his hair. It was so clear right then, how much I needed him. He was the only one who could take it all away.

"Are we okay?" Zero whispered into my shoulder.

"Aa," I replied, stroking his hair.

We stood there quietly, and for a moment everything was perfect.

However, I was brought crashing back into reality by the sound of the door opening.

Zero and I hastily drew apart, our eyes on the doorway. Clay and Yamagi slowly popped their heads into the room, eyes darting around nervously.

"Na, you haven't killed each other, have you?" Yamagi asked, looking us up and down, probably checking for gushing blood wounds or something of the like.

Zero laughed cheerfully, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry about us, I think we've reached an understanding."

I shook his arm away. With a muttered "hn", I pushed past Clay and Yamagi and left the room.

"Nice talking to you!" Zero called after me, amusement lacing his voice.

I crossed my arms over my chest and quickened my pace down the hallway.

I was a complete and total idiot.

* * * * *

Azuma frowned, leaning forward, eyes intent on the battle in front of him. Yamagi and Clay were the first two to participate in the simulation, but the fight was quickly drawing to a close.

"AI-EEEEEEEEEEE!" Clay cried as Yamagi struck the finishing blow.

Azuma sighed, dropping his cigarette and crushing it with his toe. "That was certainly interesting..." he murmured. "Though I have one question. Clay Cliff Fortran, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

Clay laughed nervously. Saki sighed and collapsed over the console.

Azuma proceeded to ream Clay out, much to Zero's amusement.

"Haha, sucks to be Clay," he told me, a huge smile plastered across his face.

I closed my eyes, trying to tune out the sounds of the room. This day could not get any worse... 

Today's curriculum was a pro-ing simulation similar to the Cueval, only instead of fighting against a computer, you battled against another person. The data from these battles would be used to determine our partners in the pro-ing battle next week.

I absently started rubbing at my bandaged wrist, a bad habit I'd picked up recently.

Damn Zero, it was all his fault anyway.

My eyes slid open, flicking over to where Zero was getting ready to go into the next simulation. He caught me watching him and waved cheerfully.

I looked away, cradling my wrist to my chest.

I couldn't believe I was letting him get to me.

When I had first met Zero, I'd hated him. And I still do. Vehemently, in fact. But it's everything that I hate about him that makes me... that draws me to him.

Damn him.

"88. Be quiet and get into the simulator."

"Ha~i!"

"Oi, Zero, hurry it up."

"Don't worry, Yamagi, it will only be a short wait until I kick your ass!"

"Pilot, quit the trash talk and do your systems check."

"Already on it, Kizna!"

"Gah..."

I let my eyes drift over the scene. Azuma was jotting something down on his clipboard before his eyes quickly returned to the scene in front of him. His eyes settled onto Zero. His favorite.

Azuma's preference for Zero was blaringly obvious. He rode Zero harder than the rest of us and always went out of his way to make Zero work harder than anyone else. Zero certainly was a talented pilot, I won't argue that. But he's reckless and he doesn't think. Despite this, he's managed to become the instructor's favorite and one of the top new candidates, even if he doesn't realize it himself.

Why does everything get handed to him on a silver platter? He's never had to experience life the way I have. He probably doesn't even know what real pain is. And I hate him for it, God, I hate him.

My fingers slowly stroked up and down my arm, trying to soothe the tension away.

"87."

I looked up in surprise. Azuma still hadn't taken in eyes from the battle that had just commenced, but he was waving me over to him.

I strode over to the railing, leaning over it beside Azuma.

"How long until that brace of yours comes off?" he asked, eyes still watching forward.

"One more week," I answered.

"Hm..."

I looked over to him questioningly, wondering what he was getting at.

"Zero! Don't get sick now!" Kizna cried.

"I can't help it," Zero whined, his voice muffled by the hand over his mouth.

Azuma shook his head with a sigh. "That moron..." he muttered.

"Snap out of it, Yamagi's coming right for you!" Kizna cried.

"I noticed..." Zero muttered.

I studied Zero's hunched over figure on the monitor in front of us. He forced himself to stand upright, his hand still gripped over his mouth.

"Pilot, in range now!" Tsukasa announced.

"About time!" Yamagi cheered as he started firing at Zero.

Zero started maneuvering his pro-ing to avoid the blasts, though his movements were somewhat awkward.

"Come on, Zero, stay with me," Kizna urged. "I know you can do this."

"You know it and I know it, but my body doesn't seem to want to agree..."

"Pilot, you may engage in hand-to-hand combat," Tsukasa stated.

"Ryokai," Yamagi said, launching his pro-ing toward Zero's.

The two began to battle, trying to find an advantage over the other.

"Your wrist feels fine?"

I turned my attention back to Azuma. "Hai."

Azuma tapped his chin thoughtfully. "She doesn't have to know..." he mused.

I blinked. "She doesn't..." I began to repeat. Then I smiled as I understood his meaning.

"I'll have you come in for a special curriculum a few days before the pro-ing lesson," he said.

"Who will be my opponent?" I asked.

"Don't worry, I've got someone in mind," Azuma replied, returning his full attention to Zero and Yamagi's battle.

I flipped my eyes over the two figures fighting on the screen, then made a slow retreat. I already knew the outcome of the match. At the moment they seemed equally matched, but...

As I stepped out the door, I heard Zero's triumphant whoop.

"Here it comes!" Zero cried.

The sound of explosions filled the small room.

"Zero, you did it!" Kizna cheered.

The door slammed shut over the sound of Zero's victory laugh.

* * * * *

I flopped down onto my bed, tossing an arm over my eyes. I hadn't really been sleeping well, so I felt tired.

The problem was, when I closed my eyes I would see _it_. Those hands reaching out, trying to take me, those voices whispering in my ear. An involuntary whimper escaped my lips. I couldn't deal with this anymore, I couldn't hold it all inside. I needed Zero.

I wanted to feel his body pressed up against mine, to feel his warm breath on my face, to feel his soft hair under my fingertips. When I was with him, I could let the world fade away.

No, no, that was wrong. Zero was just my plaything, something to keep me entertained while I was bored. I was letting him get under my skin. I had to put a stop to this immediately. Zero needed a friendly reminder that I still hated him and that I was the one in control.

Interrupting my thoughts was none other than the object himself.

"Hiea~d," came a sing-songy voice.

I heard the bed creak and soon found Zero's body slowly snaking up my own.

"Are you awake?" he asked, drumming lightly on my chest.

"No," I replied.

Zero laughed, pulling my arm from off of my eyes.

"You're awfully playful," I commented, eyeing him carefully.

"Ah, you missed my glorious pro-ing victory," Zero said, grinning triumphantly.

"Hn."

Zero smiled, running a hand through my hair. "You're so cute when you say that."

"Cute?" I repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Zero continued to grin.

I let my hand slip up the back of his shirt, drawing lazy patterns on his warm back. "Where's Clay?"

Zero nestled his head against my chest, purring contentedly. "He... went somewhere with Saki. Won't be back for a while."

"Really?"

"Mm."

I continued to trace shapes across Zero's back, reveling in the contrast of his warm skin against my cool fingertips.

Zero smiled up at me from under half-lidded eyes. "Feels nice..."

I almost started to smile back.

It was happening again. I was completely losing myself in him.

Damn him.

I quickly retracted my hand, causing Zero to mumble a protest into my shoulder. After lying there for a few minutes, Zero finally looked up at me. He propped himself up on one elbow, letting the other arm drape freely across my chest.

I frowned at him, angry that he looked so happy.

"What is it?" he asked, looking confused. He glanced down at our two bodies that had begun to become intertwined. "Is this... not all right? I mean, I thought after this morning... but... well, I mean... if you don't want me to... anou... I can go-"

I silenced him with a quick but firm kiss. "This is fine," was all I said.

Zero looked relieved. "Okay..."

"In fact..." Now a much more interesting thought crossed my mind. "You said Clay won't be back for a while?"

"Aa," he said, smiling cheerfully.

He was so, so innocent.

I pulled him into my arms, rolling onto him so I could pin him to the bed, capturing his lips in a lingering kiss as I did so.

I'd just have to change that, now wouldn't I?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


	4. Want

Started on March 18, 2002

Completed on April 22, 2002

La li ho~o. Hm, guess I lied about not being a delinquent writer. I sincerely tried to finish this part about two weeks ago, but it just wasn't flowing ^_^;; Anyway, here it is, part 4, Zero POV.

__

Dark and Light - Part 4

By Silver Kitsune

Things couldn't get much better.

Here I was at GOA, training to become a goddess pilot. My dream was within my grasp. Everyday brought me one step closer to entering into Ernn Laties' cockpit.

To add to this, there were all of the people that I had met here. There was Clay, who I now considered a good friend. Yamagi and Roose were friends, too. And then there was Kizna. My partner. She might be a pain sometimes, but she's become one of the most precious people in the world to me. Not that I'd ever tell her that.

I was drawing closer to my goal, training was great, I had new friends... and right now Hiead was doing the most amazing things with his tongue. Yep, doesn't get any better than this.

Down my throat, over my chest, towards my bellybutton...

"Eeeeeyaaaa..." I yelped as he dipped his tongue into my bellybutton. I tried to scrunch up and break away from the touch, laughing all the while. "Stoppit..." I protested amidst my choked laughter.

"Someone's a bit ticklish," Hiead commented, teasingly running his tongue around my navel.

"Stop!" I screeched, trying to get up.

And then it happened. Hiead *laughed*.

Not that usual smirky laugh of his or his superior laugh or his 'Zero is a moron' laugh. It was an actual laugh.

I smiled, resting my hand against his cheek. We exchanged a soft kiss, mouths savoring the taste of the other.

It was then that a little tidbit of information decided to make its way out from the back of my mind.

"Kizna!" I meeped, pulling away from Hiead.

Hiead raised an eyebrow. "No, *H-i-e-a-d.* Repeat after me, *H-i-e-a-d.*"

"I know that, dumbass," I replied, pushing myself up to a sitting position. "I promised to meet her..." I glanced at the clock, "...about 20 minutes ago."

"Well, you're already late," Hiead commented, leaving a trail of warm kisses down my throat.

"Yes, but she'll kill me even more if I'm any later..."

"Once she kills you, you're dead. She can't kill you anymore than that."

"Stop being logical."

Hiead responded by dipping his tongue into bellybutton again.

I screeched and backed away.

Hiead smirked, hooking his thumbs into my waistband and dragging me back towards him.

"Come on, Zero, what's another few minutes?" he murmured, nibbling on my ear. "I want to play some more..."

I started to feel a little nervous. "Hiead..."

"Yes, Precious?" he asked, a smirk crossing his face.

He was smiling way too much. Why was he looking at me like that?

"I really have to go..." I said, attempting to get up.

Hiead kept me firmly pinned down.

"Hiead, I'm not joking. I have to go. And I- what the hell do you think you're doing?! Hands to yourself!"

Hiead just kept on smirking.

I glared at him.

Hiead's smirk grew, if that can be regarded as possible.

I pursed my lips. "Five more minutes. But that's absolutely it. And you have to deal with the wrath of Ki-"

Hiead had already pounced on me and was making use of his wandering hands.

* * * * *

Kizna tapped her foot impatiently. "Where is that idiot?" she muttered.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon," Ikhny offered hopefully.

"Well he was *supposed* to be here an HOUR AGO!" Kizna cried, clenching her fists in an attempt to suppress her seething rage.

"Kizna-san..." Ikhny murmured, trying to soothe her angry friend.

"He's always so irresponsible," Kizna said angrily. "Why can't he act more maturely?"

"It's not his nature," Ikhny replied softly.

"Well, then he should get a better nature!" Kizna snapped.

"Kizna-san..."

Kizna sighed, her anger slowly diminishing.

"You're worried, aren't you?"

"Well, I can't say that it's not like him to be late, but even Zero is never this late," Kizna said, slumping back against the wall.

"I'm sure he's fine," Ikhny offered reassuringly.

"Aa. Fine..." Kizna trailed off, her eyes lingering on the closed doorway.

* * * * *

Hurt.

"Shhh..."

Soothing kisses.

"I'll make it better."

Warm.

"You're beautiful."

Gentle.

"Hiead..."

Closer.

"Hiead, I..."

"Shhh..."

Completion.

* * * * *

Kizna sighed, pushing herself away from the wall. "I guess I should go look for him."

Ikhny nodded her agreement, following Kizna out the door.

Kizna tucked her arms behind her head as she walked, her gaze somewhat forlorn as she made her way forward.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Ikhny asked, eyeing Kizna carefully.

Kizna looked over at her friend in surprise. "Um, yeah. I'm fine. I just..."

"Just...?" Ikhny prompted gently.

"I just wish that I didn't always have to chase Zero around and force him to take responsibility. Why does he need me to force him to do anything? He should be able to own up to his own obligations."

"Maybe..." Ikhny paused. "Maybe he needs you as his partner to teach him how..."

A faint smile tugged at Kizna's lips. "Teach him how, huh?"

Ikhny tried to smile. "You two are such good partners."

Kizna quietly observed Ikhny's sad expression. It was then that a sudden thought struck her. "Ne, where's Hiead?"

Ikhny looked down and shrugged.

Kizna frowned. "Let's go down to their room..."

"Is that okay...?" Ikhny asked, starting to look up. Her eyes caught Kizna already hurrying down the hallway. Ikhny quickly took off after her.

Kizna nibbled at her bottom lip anxiously. Something wasn't right here. At the first mention of Hiead, her heart had begun to beat faster. Zero's relationship with Hiead was thoroughly complicated and completely unhealthy. It made her nervous. She wasn't quite sure of what Hiead was capable of doing. That look in his eyes... it worried her.

* * * * *

In life we make choices... some good and some bad. Today was not a good decision-making day for Zero.

Hiead's footsteps could be heard moving around the room. I listened and hugged the sheets closer to my chest, wishing I could be invisible. That would be nice right about now... Maybe then I wouldn't feel so dirty.

"Do you intend to stay in bed all day?" Hiead asked, leaning into my line of vision.

"Maybe," I replied, hoping to sound as irritated as I felt.

"Well, then change my sheets after you get up," he replied, disappearing from my sight. The door slid open.

I blinked. That was all he had to say? Well, then I'd have to do the talking.

Hiead halted in doorway as he was struck by a flying pillow.

"You asshole! Don't you dare walk away from me!"

There was a pause.

Hiead slowly turned around, letting the door close behind him.

I found that my breathing was suddenly labored. I took in a deep breath, trying to recompose myself.

"Is this yours?" Hiead asked calmly, holding up the pillow.

I clenched the sheets angrily with my fists. "You've been using me..." I growled.

"Excellent observation, Precious," Hiead replied, grinning at me.

I took in another shaky breath. "So... everything you've said to me... everything that we've done... It was all some sort of game to you?"

Hiead just continued to smirk.

"You bastard!" I slammed my fist against the mattress, which didn't exactly have the effect that I desired, but it certainly helped to diminish my anger. My hands began to shake. "H-how... how could you?" I whispered, dropping my head.

There was another pause, then the door slid open.

"You told me I was beautiful..." I murmured. "You told me-"

"I lied."

The door slammed shut with a note of finality.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Well wasn't that fun? Angst *_* Actually, I only liked the last 3 lines... But they were a splendid three lines ^_-

Thanks vastly for all of the reviews. They are always appreciated. They often inspire me to write.

Let's see if I can actually get the next part out a little quicker...


	5. Regret

Started on April 23, 2002

Completed on June 20, 2002

Hm. So May was the month from hell. But now school is over and I have many long and hours of happy writing time at my disposal.

Anyway, sorry that some of the last part was confusing, but I cut it short so I could get it out quickly and so I could switch perspective. I thought I'd get this next part out faster to clear up things. But alas, the world is against me. Whee. 

__

Dark and Light - Part 5

By Silver Kitsune

As I left Zero behind in the room, I felt relieved. I'd almost screwed this whole thing up, but somehow everything had managed to turn out just as I'd planned. I messed around with Zero's head, I got exactly what I wanted from him, and then I completely crushed him. It was good to be on top.

Wasn't it?

I needed a cold shower.

Zero's eyes haunted me as I leaned into the steady spray.

_'Hiead... Hiead, I...'_

I closed my eyes, trying to erase the image from my mind. The way he looked at me...

"He is *not* getting to me," I muttered into the quiet of the shower room.

I was so conflicted. Why did I feel this way? Shouldn't I be pleased with my success? There was no reason to feel...

Guilt. I was feeling guilt.

This was ridiculous.

I hate him.

That's one thing that I can truthfully say. And yet...

I turned up the pressure of the water, soothed by the pounding on my skin. The tingling sensation helped to bring me back to my senses.

I had completely crushed Zero's spirit.

I laughed softly, pressing my forehead against the cool tile.

He looked so happy... His eyes gazed up at me adoringly, a light smile stretched across his face. He was breathing heavily, but he looked quite contented as he reached out a hand, gently tracing my jaw line.

_'Hiead... Hiead, I...'_

'Shhh...'

His lips were always sweet...

_'I think... I think I could love you.'_

He murmured those words with complete feeling.

With just as much feeling, I made my reply.

_'And I still hate you.'_

He looked so hurt just then. 

So I just got up and walked away.

A shooting pain in my wrist snapped me out of the memory. My eyes slipped open, meeting a bruised fist and cracked tile. A sharp pain hissed up my injured wrist.

Why did I feel this way?

I began to shiver from the cold water. And yet, there was something burning inside of me...

Zero was burning in my veins.

* * * * *

"I don't see what you're so concerned about..." Clay commented as they reached the door.

"It's... I'm not... Just open the door, please," Kizna said, running a hand through her hair anxiously.

"Hai, hai..." Clay mumbled, reaching out to open the door.

Saki watched as Kizna fidgeted nervously. She had been calm when she'd asked Clay if he could take her to his room, but Saki had picked up on the worried inflection in her voice. Clay seemed to hear it, too, and had quickly agreed.

No one really knew what had Kizna so on edge, so as the door opened there were four pairs of anxious eyes gazing into the room.

Zero glanced up from where he was sitting on his bed, closing the book in his lap. "Uh, what's up, guys?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the four figures who were staring at him.

"He looks... the same..." Clay commented, pressing his glasses over the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah..." Saki agreed, suddenly looking disinterested.

The two exchanged a look and shrugged, somewhat disappointed that there was no great catastrophe going on in the small dorm room.

Kizna took a step into the room. "Zero... I thought... I mean, you were so late..."

Zero blinked in surprise. Then his eyes widened. "I was supposed to meet you..."

"Got that right, baka," Kizna said, pushing a stray wisp of hair out of her eyes. "Making me worry like that. What kind of partner are you?"

"Sorry..." Zero murmured apologetically, offering Kizna a cheerful smile.

Their eyes slowly met. Kizna's eyes widened, then she quickly looked away.

Hovering on the outside of the scene, Ikhny observed the catgirl's startled action with interest. What had Kizna seen in Zero that everyone else seemed to be missing? She tried to pick out some difference, some inconsistency, but Zero seemed to be the same as always.

"Well, thanks for letting me in, but would you mind if I spoke to Zero alone now?" Kizna asked, smiling at Clay and Saki. "It's partner stuff..."

Clay nodded, waving to the two partners as he made his exit. Saki followed in suit.

Only Ikhny lingered behind. As the door began to slide shut, she could see Kizna drawing closer to Zero. The only communication passing between them seemed to be coming from the intense looks they were giving one another. The door closed completely, but the scene was still perfectly emblazoned in the observer's mind.

Ikhny felt a pull at her heart. How could these two understand each other so completely with only a look? It seemed as though no amount of looks or even words or actions would ever help her to understand her own partner.

The quiet girl took a deep breath, then started to walk down the empty hallway by herself. She tried to clear her mind of the thoughts plaguing at her mind, but they continued to infuse her being. She couldn't rid herself of the blatant jealousy and anger that she felt.

"It's not fair..." she whispered, trying suppress the tears kissing at her eyelids. She quickened her pace. "_It's not fair_!" she cried, breaking into a run. But there was no escape from the truth.

__

* * * * *

Kizna sighed, sitting down on the bed next to Zero. "What's really going on?"

Zero looked up at her, feigning confusion. "What do you mean?" He received an angry thump in the head in response.

"Don't play dumb with me," Kizna replied warningly.

Zero glared at her, rubbing the back of his head.

"Why didn't you show up for your training?"

"I forgot," Zero replied nonchalantly, laying down on his stomach and flipping his book open.

Kizna shook her head. "I don't believe that..."

Zero stared at the page, refusing to meet his partner's imploring eyes.

"I know you're hiding something. Why won't you talk to me?"

"Hm?"

Kizna reached out and slammed the book shut, daring Zero to meet her gaze. "You're always honest, Zero. That's what I've always respected about you. You always say exactly what's on your mind, despite what the consequences might be. I always know that I'll receive an honest opinion from you. Don't make me lose my trust in you now."

Zero could feel the sincerity in Kizna's words. The last part stung a bit. He wanted to open up to her, tell her everything. Still, there was that insistent voice in the back of his head insisting that he not unload his burdens on her. Besides, he felt ashamed. He didn't want Kizna to think even lower of him. He might lose some of her trust now by not telling her, but it was better than telling her the truth.

"It's nothing, really. I just forgot. I mean..."

Kizna's reprimanding glare silenced any excuse he might try to come up with.

After a few moments of elapsed silence, Kizna rose to her feet. She had almost reached the door when she turned back to face him. "I will never be able to look at you in the same way..." she whispered.

When she had gone, Zero let his facade drop. She had sounded so hurt... He almost couldn't bear it. The whole time he had just wanted to collapse into her arms and tell her everything. Now he was left to the cold comfort of an empty room and a cold bed. Zero quietly hugged his pillow, refusing to let any tears escape. He wasn't that weak.

Why was this bothering him so much? When he had arrived at the academy, his only goal had been to become a pilot. That was all that mattered. So really, Hiead was of no importance to his current situation.

It was just a matter of convincing his shattered heart what his rational mind already knew.

* * * * *

As I entered the room, I was somewhat relieved to find that Clay was there along with Zero. Having someone else present in the room would serve as a buffer. I wouldn't do anything stupid. Hopefully.

"Hello, Hiead," Clay murmured, glancing up briefly from the manual he was studying.

Zero didn't budge from where he was lying on his bed. My eyes lingered over his sprawled out frame, tracing over the smooth curve of his hip.

I quickly averted my stare and wandered over to my dresser, grabbing my wrist brace and strapping it back on.

Clay glanced at his watch. "It's almost time for the evening meal... Are you two ready to head out?"

Zero shifted his position, letting his eyes slip open. "Already?" he murmured tiredly.

I took one look at his hazy, disheveled state and walked straight out of the room. After I was a good way down the hallway, I stopped to lean against the wall. I could feel my heart racing. What was this feeling?

I resisted the urge to hit the wall again, instead opting to take in a few deep breaths. Still, I couldn't seem to calm down. What was Zero doing to me? This wasn't the way things were supposed to be... What the hell was he doing to me?!

I needed to get away. Hastily making my way through the hall, I opted to escape into the training hall. Anything so I wouldn't have to see Zero.

* * * * *

I slipped into the room just as lights out was being announced. Not bothering to even change, I dropped onto my bed. I had been working out in the training hall almost all evening. It had helped to settle me a bit, so now I was ready to just go to sleep.

It didn't matter what Zero was doing to me or how he was making me feel. I just needed to seize better control over my emotions. It was a skill I'd mastered a long time ago. Everything would be fine.

Fine until Zero and I were alone again.

Luckily, that time didn't come for a few days. Neither of us seemed to want to be around the other. Whenever Clay left the room, one of us would leave as well. We didn't eat lunch together, we avoided the other during lessons, and not a single word passed between us.

I continued to act superior, being sure to smirk at him constantly and try in every way to show him that this situation didn't upset me at all. Still, Zero didn't play the victim like I expected him to. He was a bit quieter, though, and more subdued. Other than that, he continued on with his usual activities. There seemed to be a bit of tension between him and Kizna, but I wasn't around either of them enough to know what was going on. Not that I'd care.

Anyway, I was glad to be rid of Zero. I'd been spending a lot of time with him, so it felt good to retreat back into solitude. People only let you down; I'd rather be alone.

That must be why I spent most nights staring over Clay's bed to watch Zero sleep.

God, I'd never felt like this. It was almost like I cared about him. No no no no no no no no no no no no...

What was wrong with me? No, it wasn't me. It was him. He was doing something to me. That's the only possible explanation.

Plagued by these thoughts, I distractedly wandered into the room one afternoon after lessons. So distracted, in fact, that I didn't notice that Zero was sitting on the floor until I tripped over him.

Zero looked up at me in annoyance. "Watch where you're going, asshole."

"Watch where you're parking your sorry ass," I replied, breezing past him.

Zero just made a face and went back to pulling his boots off, tossing them over to his side of the room.

I dropped my books into my drawer, then turned to leave. Zero was still sprawled out across the floor, staring off into space. He looked... thoughtful. So very thoughtful. So very sexy.

I grabbed my head, letting out an angry cry. "What the hell are you doing to me?"

Zero looked up at me in confusion. "What...?"

Before my brain knew what my body was doing, I had Zero pinned to the ground, a hand resting over his throat. "Why are you making me feel like this?" I hissed.

Zero angrily shoved me off of him, attempting to stand.

Pissed off myself, I lunged at him, landing a good punch in his stomach through the process. We quickly found ourselves falling back into our usual pattern of punching, kicking, and inflicting pain in general, which soon faded into kissing, touching, and groping.

Zero finally shoved me away again, looking furious. "No, we're not going down that road again."

I stared at him desperately. I'd never felt so out of control before. He was doing this, it was his fault. He was making me feel this way. "Make it stop," I demanded, grabbing onto his arm.

"Make what stop?"

"You... you're burning under my skin."

Zero just shook his head, looking away from me. "Hiead, you're not making any sense."

"It's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault..."

"What are you talking about?" Zero asked, trying to shake my grip off.

I could feel all of my carefully controlled emotions breaking down and coming out. It was his fault, it was his fault, it was his fault...

"Hiead, what's wrong? What are you saying?" Zero asked, starting to sound concerned.

"It's your fault!" I screamed, digging my fingernails into his arm.

All Zero could do was stare at me helplessly as I fell apart.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Woot. And that's all I have to say. Mayhap. Whoosh. Very tired. It is 1:35. A.M. As in the morning. I wrote most of this part while watching hours of Undressed, which may have been a bad idea. Hm...

Now I'm proofreading at 12 a.m. I can't be coherent this early in the morning, so its either pretty good or really bad or rather mediocre. Basically, I have no ability to judge. I used weird words. I feel like I have too many ideas and they're all trying to come out at once, making a nice, big, jumbled mess.

I don't know why I thought a timeline would be fun, but I wish it to go away. I've already given up staying true to the MK plot, though I'm trying the stay true to the characters as best as I can. Zero was a little OOC in this part, but that's because the poor boy has been traumatized ;_; Will he ever regain his sense of self again? ::dramatic gasp:: Hiead may appear a bit OOC at the end of this part, but I find that being a raving psychopath is an intrinsic part of his character ::shrug:: I don't know, I'm blathering on again.

Definitely need some feedback on this one ::wink:: Thanks for all of the reviews that everyone's already submitted. I like criticism and find flames amusing, so feel free to speak your mind; I won't be offended. I guess that's all I have to ramble about, so farewell until next time, as Kitsune desperately tries to figure out what the hell is going on in this story and where the characters are attempting to go next.


	6. Broken

Started on July 9, 2002

Completed on December 9, 2002

I wrote this part in 5 days. 5 days over the course of 5 months. It makes things less coherent than usual. Really, I don't even know what's going on anymore. What are these people doing? And all the goddam contemplation. And the angsting. Gah. It's hideous. I mean, um, it's wonderful, it's the best thing that I've ever written, yeah, uh-huh. This part is more transitional than anything else. Hopefully the next part will be getting into the swing of things. I just want to finish this thing before it consumes my soul. Look, even my ranting isn't coherent. Is that oxy-moronic?

Hey, thanks to everyone who read my Tune fic, especially those who left those lovely reviews. They were much appreciated.

__

Dark and Light - Part 6

By Silver Kitsune

"It's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault..."

He kept repeating the words over and over, digging his nails into my flesh.

I was startled as I looked down to find that little drips of blood were beginning to form beneath his nails. I carefully pried Hiead's fingers off of my arm.

"Shit, that hurt..." I murmured, rubbing at the little red half-moons. I wasn't really angry, though, as much as I was worried. Hiead looked almost... fragile.

I took his hand quietly into my own, running my fingertips over his skin. He tried to push me away a few times, then finally gave up and just sat there, shaking. I pulled his hand closer, pressing a light kiss on his knuckle. He didn't make a move to pull away, so I continued stroking his hand.

Sitting there in the quiet of the room, I began to realize how hopeless this was. I didn't want to be here right now, sitting on the floor and trying to soothe an incoherent Hiead. I wanted to be out training, working with Kizna, practicing with Clay. Anything but being trapped in here, slowly suffocating.

I gazed over at Hiead, letting my eyes wander over his trembling form. He looked so vulnerable and that just wasn't the Hiead that I know. It hurt me, it scared me, I don't know what it did to me, but it wasn't right and I wanted it to stop. Before I really knew what I was doing, I had clambered over next to Hiead and wrapped my arms around him.

I could feel his body tense under the touch.

Sometimes I wonder if he just rejects any type of affection or if he's rejecting me.

I sighed, tucking my head against his shoulder.

Why was I doing this to myself? Throughout the past few days, all I'd wanted to do was be as far away from Hiead as possible. I could have just walked away when he started screaming at me. So why the hell didn't I?

Because I could never walk away.

I never understood how there could be such a thing as a love-hate relationship. I still don't. It doesn't make sense. If you care about someone, how can you hate them? What logic can possibly justify those emotions? You either love someone or you hate them; you can't have it both ways.

"Zero, why are you here?" Hiead asked, breaking the silence. As he spoke, his ragged breath bristled past my ear.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to come up with a suitable answer. "I don't know..." I finally replied.

"You know that as soon as we leave this room I'll pretend this never happened."

"Yeah."

"I'll go right back to making your life miserable."

"I know."

"So why are you here-"

"I-"

"-and why do I want you here?"

"Don't say shit like that."

"But you can go and tell me that you love me?"

"I said that I _could_ love you. I didn't say that I _do_ love you."

"What's the difference? You still used that word."

"Well I didn't mean it."

"Good."

Pause.

"I lied. I meant it."

"Don't say shit like that."

"Fine. I hate you."

Pause.

"And I meant that, too."

"Good."

"_Good_."

I finally sat up, pushing myself away from Hiead and glaring all the while. He eyed me coolly in return. After a few moments of silence elapsed, though, we both averted our eyes, the anger dying out.

"Do things always have to be like this between us?" I asked, staring intently at the wall. If you stared at it long enough, it almost looked like it was moving. Fascinating, really. Anything was better than being in this room, having this conversation.

"Is there any other way?" Hiead replied.

"Shouldn't there be?" I asked. There was a little stain on the bottom of the wall. I wondered what it was from.

"This isn't your ideal little world, Zero, where everything works out just right and everyone is happy," Hiead hissed. "This is reality."

I laughed softly. "I like my world better." Maybe that stain was from when Clay tripped and spilled grape juice on the floor.

Hiead echoed my laughter, though his sounded much harsher and far more bitter. "God, Zero, you have no clue, do you? Do you even know what you are? Why bother asking? Of course you don't. You're completely oblivious to everything around you. You have no idea what the real world is like."

I didn't know what he was talking about and I really didn't care. I was passed caring. I already knew where this conversation was headed anyway. "Hiead, just get it over with. You live your life your way and I live mine my way. We're two completely different people and there's no way that we could ever-"

"I want to live in your world."

Hiead startled me as he suddenly wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking in the strange gesture of affection.

"I want to live in your world," he repeated softly, burrowing his head into my neck. "But it's killing me."

I opened my eyes, letting them linger over the dark stain on the wall. It had a more crimson tint than grape juice. It reminded me of blood.

"So do you understand? Understand why we can't make this work?" he asked, holding me a little closer.

"I understand..." I murmured.

Hiead sat up, letting his fingertips slip down my bare arm. "Then we have nothing more to discuss."

"Nothing more to discuss..." I repeated, letting my gaze shift back to the wall.

I felt his lips brush fleetingly over my own.

"I don't always hate you."

I straightened up with a start. Why did he have to go and say something like that _now_? It felt like he was just pouring salt in the wound.

"Jerk..." I muttered, leaving the room quickly so I could be the one to walk out on him.

Hiead just sat on the floor, staring at the closed door.

* * * * *

"Kizzy-chan, I luv you," I purred as I trailed behind my irritated partner.

"Go away," she growled, refusing to turn around.

The hallway was fairly crowded as the various candidates passed between lessons, so I had to push my way through the crowd to keep up with Kizna's rapid pace.

"Come on, Kizna, why won't you talk to me?" I whined, using the most pathetic voice I could muster up. "I miss you~"

Kizna continued stalking her way down the hall with no intention of stopping.

I had to come up with a way to make her stop and listen to me. I needed Kizna right now. She was the person I was closest to, the one I could trust with anything. I screwed up by not telling her about Hiead and all that shit, but I wasn't ready to admit to her then how stupid I was. Of course, I'm sure that she's well aware of what a big idiot I am, but it's a pride thing and all.

The fact of the matter is that I was ready to fix up things and make them right, which is why I felt the need to dive at Kizna's legs and grab on for dear life.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kizna screeched, trying to shake me off.

"Say that you looooove me," I crooned, locking my arms securely around her legs.

"Zero!" Kizna cried, blushing furiously.

It seemed as though everyone in the hallway had stopped to stare at the little spectacle I had caused. I really couldn't care less if they were watching or not, all I wanted was Kizna to say that she forgave me.

Kizna didn't seem to share my carefree sentiments as she desperately tried to shake me off of her leg.

"Come on, Kizna, admit that you're not mad at me anymore," I pleaded cheerfully.

"Actually, I've never been more furious with you," she snapped, giving her leg a sharp shake.

I clung onto her even tighter. "You miss talking to me..."

"I appreciated the momentary lapse into silence. It did wonders for my eardrums," she informed me with a scowl.

"You miss our antigravity training," I said with a grin, rubbing my cheek against her ankle.

"If only to hear you screaming in terror as I let go of the rope..." she replied sharply, though I could see some amusement begin to glimmer in her eyes.

"You miss the light that I fill your life with, the inextinguishable joy that infuses your each and every day, the wondrous feeling of-"

Kizna smacked me lightly. "Baka."

I grinned up at her, mustering up the most innocent-looking smile that I could concoct.

Kizna rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Neeee, so you forgive me for being such an idiot?"

Kizna sighed, but she was still smiling. She crouched down beside me, patting me on the head. "Yeah, I guess. I never seem to be able to stay mad at you for long..."

"Yatta~" I cheered, tackling her to the floor.

"ZERO! Get off of me!" Kizna shrieked, shoving me away.

I smiled cheerfully as I plopped onto the floor.

Kizna stood up with a huff, brushing herself off. "Jerk..." she muttered, but there was still a trace of a smile lingering at her lips.

I popped up to my feet, slinging my arm companionably around her shoulder. "Let's go to class now!"

"Hai," Kizna murmured, suddenly leaning against me as though she needed support. "Ne, Zero?"

"Yeah?" I asked as we headed towards the classroom.

"Do you... do you trust me?" she asked softly.

I blinked in surprise, turning to look at her. Her eyes gazed straight forward, looking almost sad.

"Why would you ask me that? Of course I trust you," I responded, feeling annoyed that she would ask me something like that.

"Well, then... why didn't you tell me? About Hiead?"

"Wha-?" I began, stopping short.

Kizna turned to me, now meeting my shocked gaze evenly.

"I know."

That was all she said before turning around, tugging on my arm lightly and dragging me to class.

* * * * *

I did not get anything out of class that day, which was pretty bad since it was our final preparation for piloting the pro-ings tomorrow. Still, I was lost in thought. Kizna said that she knew. But how could she possibly know? In fact, what _did_ she know? She couldn't know all that much, after all. I mean, I hadn't mentioned anything and I was quite sure Hiead wasn't being particularly chatty about that subject or much of anything else. Had she seen something, heard something? My eyes had eventually drifted towards the scratches on my arms. Hm, maybe that was it? Hiead and I were always leaving cuts and bruises on one another from our fights, so maybe that's what she knew about. Okay, granted, everyone and their uncle knows that Hiead and I fight all the time, but most aren't aware of the severity of our fights. Could that be what Kizna was talking about?

Great, just one more thing to stress me out.

_I don't always hate you._

I frowned, letting an involuntary finger run down my lips.

This all sucked. I just wanted to become a pilot. I didn't want this overly sensitive partner who made me worry about her and I certainly hadn't asked for a psychopathical lover/ex-lover/rival/mortal enemy/mutual ass-kicker. I had come to GOA with single-minded determination to become a pilot, and that was certainly still my goal. And yet...

I don't know. Everything's all... I don't know.

Did I mention that this sucks?

So I spent the rest of class blowing my bangs out of my eyes and trying to figure out why I felt so... I dunno, I don't want to use the word _depressed_. Zero Enna does not get _depressed_. I've been through a lot in my life, not that I can remember half of it, but it's always been my upbeat, positive attitude that has gotten me through things. I don't let stuff get me down. I mean, there's no point in being upset over something that you can't change. All you can do is keep on pushing forward.

Listen to me, I sound like one of those idiotic motivational speakers or something.

You know, class dismissal is a beautiful thing. As soon as the instructor announced the end of class, I was more than happy to escape my confusing train of thought and meld into the over-crowded hallway. Kizna was soon at my side, her hands tucked in her pockets as she fell into stride with me.

We walked in silence at first. It wasn't awkward or anything. We really did seem to be back on good terms. Kizna doesn't usually hold grudges against me for long. How else could we work as partners, seeing as how she's always getting mad at me over something or other. I don't think that we felt like talking because any sort of conversation would eventually lead to that taboo topic that would probably cause some form of discomfort. Not that that sort of thing usually bothers me, but it would be my discomfort, and I wasn't feeling particularly masochistic at the moment.

So we reached the end of the hallway, and I knew that Kizna had some repairer duties to attend to, so it was time to open up my mouth and speak.

"Kizna-"

"You look a little stressed," she commented, cutting me off.

"Huh?"

"You haven't been acting like yourself lately. That's pat of why I've been annoyed with you. You've got to take a step back and figure out what's really important to you. Stop pretending that things are good when they're not. You need to sort things out so you can get back to being yourself. Is any of this getting through your thick skull?"

"I guess." That girl can be insightful in her little tirades.

"Good," she said, giving me an affectionate pat on the head. "We'll talk later, ne?" she asked, gazing at me seriously.

I nodded.

"All right, well, I have to go and get some work done. See you later." She started to leave, then whirled around. "And if you ever embarrass me like you did before class this morning, I will _annihilate_ you." With that, she made her exit.

I smiled.as I watched her go, a soft chuckle escaping my lips.

Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without that girl. She really does keep me grounded.

* * * * *

I decided that I needed to be well rested for tomorrow, so I planned to spend the afternoon alone in my room. However, after sitting around in my room for about 20 minutes, I began to grow bored. Instead of focusing on my pro-ing match and resting, I started to think about what Kizna said. Not that it was some sort of momentous speech or anything, but her simple words made sense.

I was letting everything that was going on around me distract me. I didn't know how to deal with so many new situations. Life on the colony had been simple, it hadn't prepared me for life as a candidate for goddess. Since I didn't know how to deal with things, I was just letting everything build up inside of me and it was stressing me out.

I guess.

I don't know.

I had the sudden urge to bang my head against the wall.

I should be happy. I'm living my dream. That's pretty good in itself. Kizna and I were back on pleasant terms, and I had finally been freed of that _suffocating_ relationship. Yep, life is good.

I miss Hiead.

God, it's only been a day. Why am I acting so weird?

Stupid Hiead.

This was not the greatest thing to be thinking about when I was trying to focus on my pro-ing match and rest. Pro-ings and rest. Pro-ings and rest. Pro-rest, pro-rest, pro-rest! That's the spirit! I feel refreshed and inspired.

I want Hiead.

I decided that it would be good to take a nice walk around the room. I was soon back to the right train of thinking and was imagining the feeling of being in a cockpit and the warm presence that accompanied it.

It was about then that I found myself tangled up on the floor. It was also at that time that I discovered that I had a third hand... and a fourth. I could also feel my legs gravitating towards indecent angles.

I stared in shock at the silver hair pressed under my chin as a warm pair of lips pressed rough kisses against my throat.

"What do you think you're doing?" I cried incredulously, attempting to shove Hiead off of me.

"What the hell does it look like?" he growled into my ear. Then he nipped at my jaw. It kind of hurt.

I tried to come up with some sort of witty retort but failed. I finally settled for the obvious. "You just told me that this relationship was killing you, that it was over... Any of this ringing a bell?"

Hiead paused in his current ministrations so that he could look me in the eye.

"Oh, yes, I'm definitely finished with that lapse of judgment."

That goddamed smirk of his, it really made me want to punch him in the face, which I would have done, too, if I wasn't so incredibly confused. "Okay, so if you're finished with that, then why are you currently... um, well, unbuttoning my pants?" I swatted his hands away from my waist in annoyance as I spoke.

Hiead just continued to smirk, then bowed his head down for better access to my neck. He began to leave a trail of sharp bites along my throat.

"Cut it out, that hurts," I growled. I gave him another shove, but Hiead remained unmoved.

Hiead just smirked and brushed his lips harshly over mine. "The honeymoon's over, Precious."

A sharp pain suddenly overtook me.

That goddamed bastard.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Oh yes, the bitch is back.

Well, I was talking about Hiead, but I guess it applies to me too *__*

Ah, I look forward to Zero's next course of action. Wha ha ha. It's so much friendlier with Pooh. Or sociopathical Hiead. Whatever I just said. Did I mention that I love Crazy HieadTM? But don't worry, dearies, Zero ain't no victim. Don't you fangirls go getting any ideas... ::this from the club treasurer of the fangirls...::

You know what the biggest pain is about writing MK fanfiction? The series isn't complete. I mean, there are still so many unanswered questions. We're not going to discuss my terrifying theory of brotherhood. Long live Hiead and Zero making out. Yay!

::hides from projectiles::


	7. Denial

Started on January 16, 2003

Completed on May 26, 2003

Thanks for all of your support, it keeps me writing ^_^

This part really overlaps with Curriculum 06: Pro-Ing. As I don't feel like I need to retell the entire episode, I've left a lot out. I've tried to provide enough information so that you can understand what is going on within the context of the episode. If you're not overly familiar with the episode, you can flip through the episode transcript on my webpage, but I don't think that it's essential to the story. I was very pleased to find, though, that my inconsistent and random timeline seemed to actually begin to blend in very well with the actual MK timeline, though there may be a couple inconsistencies. I can tell you exactly what they are, but what would be the fun in that? Pretend that it's AU.

I apologize for any lack of flow between parts... seeing as how I've been writing this for a year and a half, I think I've lost my original vision...

Please excuse any attempts on my behalf to create a plot. It is a passing triviality, I'm sure.

Now make Kitsune stop rambling and start writing.

__

Dark and Light - Part 7

By Silver Kitsune

"I can't believe you."

Zero sat across the room from me, his arms crossed firmly over his chest as he sulked.

I glared at him, trying to ignore the pain in my head.

"Don't look at me like that," Zero said with a scowl. "Don't act like you're the victim here."

"You slammed my head into a wall," I replied evenly. "Several times."

"Well you were kind of pissing me off!" Zero snapped. He looked away, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you..."

The motion of turning his head revealed the trail of bites up and down his neck. He really wasn't going to be able to cover that up... I also noted the bloody cut stretching down his arm which may have been a result of my perhaps being a bit too aggressive with him. Then I remembered my throbbing headache and wished that I'd left a few more marks on him before he flipped out on me and started slamming my head into the wall.

Zero finally looked up at me again, looking a little less pissed but still not overly pleased with me. "I don't understand you at all."

I don't know if he was expecting a response, but I wasn't exactly in the mood for some sort of deep conversation. I had bared more of my soul than I ever wanted or intended to earlier, and I certainly didn't want a repeat of that incident.

Zero sighed, leaning in toward me. "I just want to make one thing abundantly clear." He startled me by reaching out and squeezing my cheeks.

I didn't quite know how to react, so I just stared at him.

"You are screwed up," he informed me, looking straight into my eyes "You need help," he continued, punctuating each syllable with a slap to my cheeks.

If he wasn't Zero, I think I might have killed him.

"Also, I was just wondering if your failed attempt to violate me just now would coincide with your assertion that we end our relationship," Zero continued. "You see, I'm kinda getting mixed signals here." He meant it to sound playful, but I could tell that he was pissed.

"You obviously misunderstood." I really wasn't in the mood for a pleasant conversation. Plus, I found it wildly entertaining to annoy the hell out of Zero. "I only wanted to end our emotional relationship. Not our sexual relationship."

Zero almost choked as I got out that last statement. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, trying to hide the blush creeping to his cheeks. "You are such an ass..."

"But isn't that why you love me?" I asked, pressing my forehead to his. I let my fingers slide down his cheek and brush over his lips, a bit of my trademark smirk lingering at my mouth.

Zero backed away with a start.

I frowned at him. I wasn't used to rejection like that. Not from Zero.

"Stop teasing me," Zero muttered, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Who's teasing?" I asked with a scowl.

Zero shook his head angrily. "I'm so sick of your mind games..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Like you haven't made it more than abundantly clear that I'm just your plaything..."

"..."

"Don't rush to deny it or anything."

I didn't really know how to respond to this. He was right, after all.

Wasn't he?

"..."

"That's what I thought..." Zero commented with a bitter laugh.

God, he made me feel so weak. "Zero..."

He met my gaze coldly, blue eyes clawing into my own. "Don't use that tone with me. Don't go from heartless bastard to sympathetic lover. You can't just push me away and then drag me back. Make a goddamn choice, you can either have me or you can live without me, but you don't get it both ways. I'm not playing your stupid game anymore. Ball's in your court, _Precious_."

I sat through Zero's ranting silently. I didn't really know what to say. Make a decision? What decision was there to make? Zero was first and foremost my enemy, and nothing would please me more than to destroy him, slowly and painfully. He was an obstacle in the path of becoming a pilot, his very existence a threat to my own.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line I had come to find that Zero's life was intrinsically linked to my own, that I somehow needed his presence just to breath.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I never needed anyone before, and I certainly didn't need someone now. I turned my attention back to Zero, who apparently wasn't expecting an immediate response as he ignored me and began settling into bed.

"It's the middle of the afternoon."

"I'm tired."

"Whatever," I muttered, taking my leave from the room.

I hated that stupid bastard.

* * * * *

Azuma barely looked up from his clipboard as Ikhny and I entered the room. "Set up the simulation," he commented as he jotted something down.

"Hai!" Ikhny squeaked as she hustled over to the main console.

I started towards the simulation device, but Azuma held up his hand to signal for me to stop. I paused, waiting for him to speak.

"You're okay to do this?" he asked, looking me carefully in the eyes.

I glanced down at the long-forgotten sprained wrist, then let my gaze meet Azuma's. "Of course."

Azuma snorted as he returned to his clipboard. "I guess it was a rhetorical question... Oh, well, you better get set up."

I prepared to enter into the simulation device, though first noting that the room was empty besides Azuma. My opponent had not arrived yet.

Ikhny began to run the system checks. Sometime during the checks another two people entered into the room. Ikhny continued with the preparatory work, though I could sense her surprise.

"Heart sensor... online..." Ikhny murmured. "Visual sensors... connected..."

"Who's my opponent?" I demanded.

"Well, it's... oh, um, brain sensor... connected..." Ikhny quickly finished up the check, making sure that everything was hooked up properly.

Azuma's voice suddenly boomed over the intercom system. "Each pilot will be engaging in a simulation in which the objective is to take out the enemy. The point of this exercise is to prepare for the pro-ing battle tomorrow, so fight your hardest so I can evaluate you properly. The battle will commence in one minute."

"Pilot ready?" Ikhny asked quietly.

"Yes."

"Okay, connecting final circuit."

As the simulation began to power up, I concentrated on the sound of Ikhny's voice as she went over the final check. There was no need to forget where I was and get lost in the past. Who knows what I would remember if I let go of myself again like during the Cueval test.

"Battle commencing in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..."

My eyes began to dart around me as I attempted to visually pinpoint the enemy.

"Your opponent is 10 kilometers to the north of you," Ikhny informed me.

I immediately activated my boosters and set off in that direction. Soon the enemy pro-ing was in my sights and I prepared my weapon.

"Aghhhhh, please don't kill me!" the other pilot cried, sloppily brandishing his sword in an attempt to block the attack.

"Roose Sawamura?" I murmured to myself, somewhat surprised. Had he already returned from his dieting? Oh, well, it had nothing to do with me. I went in for the kill.

"Wrecka-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"

* * * * *

I felt somewhat agitated as Ikhny and I left the training room. "That was a waste of my time..."

Ikhny looked up at me and cautiously said, "You had to do it so you could participate in the pro-ing battle tomorrow."

I glared at her.

She looked away quickly, biting her lip nervously.

I smirked to myself, amused by how well I had Ikhny trained. Kind of like a dog.

If only that other brown-haired idiot was as well-trained...

The door to the training room opened again as Roose and Wrecka emerged from it.

"Um, thank you for the match," Roose said, smiling at me cheerfully.

I just brushed by him without a word.

Ikhny bowed apologetically then followed me down the hall.

"How was he able to lose so much weight so quickly?" Ikhny murmured, taking a quick glance back at the now skinny Roose.

"It's rather obvious," I replied, annoyed with her obliviousness.

"It is?" Ikhny asked, glancing up at me in surprise.

"Don't you feel it?" I snapped, gesturing back towards the green-haired boy.

"Feel what?" Ikhny asked, looking confused.

"His EX," I replied as I gave her a pointed look, telling her that this conversation was over. I really didn't understand her need for socialization.

Ikhny began to trail behind me, lost in thought.

Behind us, Roose and Wrecka parted ways as the two set out to make their final preparations for the pro-ing battle. Roose began to hum to himself as he made his way down the hallway. It was then that he spotted several familiar faces making their way towards him. He immediately called out to them, overjoyed to see the rest of his fellow candidates.

"Ya~ma~gi~kuuuun!"

* * * * *

I poked my fork absently into my food, not really paying much attention to it. I had more important things on my mind. My eyes lingered on Zero, Yamagi, and Clay attempting to force-feed Roose. They all seemed genuinely happy as they enjoyed their reunion. Of course no one seemed to notice that one person was missing. This didn't really matter to me, of course, as I would rather die than be forced to socialize with those morons. What was drawing me in was that huge smile of Zero's. What the hell was he so happy about?

I wondered if he was even thinking about what had happened earlier. About us. About me. But really, what could I expect from that moron? He was probably still excited about finding out that we would be teaming up with the top candidates for the pro-ing battle.

Did anything ever keep him down? He was _always_ happy. It was like a disease. I often wonder if its just a front, but other times I believe that he really is that oblivious to the real world. He has no idea what true suffering is.

He hasn't lived through the hell I have.

I watched him smile as he opened Roose's mouth in an attempt to shove food down his throat. Despite his devilish actions, his eyes still held that innocent sparkle.

Wasn't he the least bit upset anymore?

I watched as he started talking to Kizna. Grinning, he leaned in to whisper something to her.

How could he act like everything was normal?

Whatever he said upset Kizna, and she started screaming at him as she pummeled is head with her tiny fists.

I rose to my feet and gathered up my tray. I decided to head off to the training room. I needed to kill something.

* * * * *

I felt calm as I returned to the room that night. There was always something soothing about stabbing inanimate objects multiple times. I settled into bed, ready for a restful night's sleep before the pro-ing matches tomorrow.

Sleep was soon interrupted by Zero's giddy insomnia.

I sat up in annoyance, taking aim and beaning Zero in the head with my pillow. I made sure to yell at him and call him a brat. This caused an immediate retaliation from Zero, which had to be quelled by our resident mediator Clay. So, really, it was just a typical night.

I don't know when it was that I started feel comfortable with this ridiculous routine of ours, but it bothered me.

Any attempt to fall asleep was now thwarted, so I was left to stare at the wall and sink into the solitude of my thoughts. I've never liked the night. It's the only time when all of my locked away feelings are able to reemerge to haunt me.

I watched as the wall began to drip. The slick liquid slid down the wall, making its slow descent until it reached the floor, forming into a shivering red puddle. I felt my eyes widen as something cold slipped down my cheek. I glanced up, realizing that the liquid was now dripping from the ceiling onto my face. I detected a faint odor slowly saturating the air. The smell began to grow stronger as the liquid began to pour into the room, surrounding me from all sides. The sticky liquid began to cover my skin, a familiar sensation overtaking me.

Blood.

It covered every part of my body, filling my every breath, infusing into every part of my being. I couldn't breathe anymore, it was suffocating me. I could feel my eyes rolling back and my consciousness beginning to fade...

Zero cried out suddenly, sitting up in his bed with heaving breaths.

I forced myself back into wakefulness, shaking away the vision.

Why do I even care? I am far beyond human emotions; I have no need for such frivolities. So why is it that I am haunted by such dark memories? I used to believe that I was above having a conscience, that I held no responsibility for my actions. The only thing that mattered was survival. Anything that I had to do to achieve this was unimportant.

So why did I let it bother me?

I glanced over at Zero, who was now lying on his back, staring quietly up at the ceiling.

Somewhere, somehow, this all had to be his fault.

I was fine before I met Zero. An occasional nightmare here, an occasional memory there, but looking back, it seems to me that it was after I came to GOA and met Zero that these thoughts truly began to plague me.

It's almost as though meeting Zero allowed me to start... _feeling_ again. Like he was making me human again.

The thought disgusted me.

"What are you looking at?" Zero hissed, trying to keep his voice down in a rare show of consideration for the people around him.

"Baby have a bad dream?" I snapped back, noting the beads of sweat covering his face.

"Why yes, thank you for noticing," Zero growled, glaring at me.

"Would you two shut up and go to sleep?!" Clay cried, his voice sounding heavy and tired.

I scowled at Zero, then turned around to face the wall.

"Sorry," Zero muttered, but as he spoke he was sliding off of his bed. He pattered across the room quietly, then sat at the edge of my bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep."

"And I care why?"

"You can't sleep either."

"And neither can I since a certain brown-haired idiot won't shut the hell up and go to sleep!" Clay half-screeched, pulling his pillow over his head to cover his ears.

"Sorry..." Zero called over to Clay energetically, then lowered his voice to a whisper. "You feeling okay?" he asked me.

"Just fine," I whispered shortly.

"Then why are you shaking and covered in sweat?" Zero replied, brushing bangs out of my eyes.

"Why are you too scared to go back to sleep?" I countered as I angrily swatted his hand away, my hair slipping back down onto my face

"I'm not _scared_."

"Then why are you sitting here talking to me instead of sleeping?"

"Okay, so maybe I am slightly averse toward the idea of sleeping at the moment..."

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

Zero was silent for a moment, then grinned. "Tell me a sto~ry."

"How about I kick your ass instead..."

"Really, you're so moody. Would it kill you to be pleasant every once and a while?"

"Possibly."

Zero laughed softly, his fingers making another pass through my hair. "You're so cute sometimes, you know that?"

I caught his hand, removing it from my hair and sharply replacing it at his side. "Zero, go to bed."

"Can't. I'm not really tired anymore..."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have taken a nap in the middle of the afternoon."

"Who was napping? I just laid in bed for an hour, staring at the ceiling and cursing your name."

"So that's why I was sneezing..."

"Ah-ha, the curse is already working!"

"I hope you realize that if you are not off of my bed within the next 10 seconds that I will physically remove you..."

"Oooh, promise?"

"_Zero_."

"Can't I just stay here for tonight?"

"No."

"Pleeeeease."

"Signs point to no."

"Hiead~"

"Zero."

"Come on, I don't feel like being alone right now."

"So by moving a grand total of 10 feet across the room and invading my personal space, you will no longer be alone?"

"Yep, pretty much, so can I stay?"

"How many different ways are there to say no?"

"Three hundred and twenty nine."

"You're not getting any closer to staying."

Zero's eyes suddenly turned serious. "Hiead, please?" He began rubbing his arms with his hands as if he were cold. "I don't feel so great..."

"Why is this my problem?"

Zero chose to ignore me and continued speaking. "I... that dream I had... I mean, what kind of person can't remember their own mother's face?"

"A pretty shitty one," I growled, glaring at him.

"Gee, thanks..." Zero muttered, averting his eyes and acting like a wounded puppy dog.

Oh, poor Zero, he couldn't remember his mommy's face. At least he had a mother. That spoiled brat. He didn't know what true troubles were. He hadn't started out in the pits of hell and been forced to claw his way out. He didn't have to work for anything, it was all just handed to him.

"Come back to me when you have a real problem," I said turning away from him.

Zero let out a strangled sound that seemed as though he was choking back tears. "What do you know? You think you're the only person in the world who's had a tough life?"

I chose to ignore him. It's not worth arguing with ignorant people. It's usually better to pound them into the ground, but I was starting to feel tired again and decided to be generous.

Zero got up and walked around the bed. He crouched down next to me and looked me in the eye.

"Hiead."

I glared at him.

"I know you don't want to be alone, either," he said, pressing his hand gently to my cheek.

I caught his hand again only to find Zero's lips pressed to the tip of my nose.

I don't understand why he feels the need to always provoke me, but even more than that I don't quite know why I sometimes let him get away with it.

"Do whatever you want..." I growled, closing my eyes.

I was forced to reopen my eyes as Zero pulled up my sheets and elbowed me sharply. "Move over."

I watched as he settled down next to me.

"Comfortable?"

"Actually, your arm is digging into my hip. You think you could move over a bit?"

"I could push you off this bed."

"Ya know, the pain is starting to grow on me."

"You're such a loser," I muttered, rolling onto my stomach and tossing my arm over him.

Zero chose wisely to not comment on my accommodation.

I was surprised to find that I was now quite comfortable and easily drifted off into sleep.

* * * * *

I awoke to the sound of the alarm clock. I attempted to reach out and turn it off, only to find that my arm had been fettered down by Zero's vise-like grip. I also discovered that I had my head tucked under his chin and was settled against him in a position that seemed to distinctly be some form of cuddling.

I did not even know that word was in my vocabulary.

I quickly extricated myself from that vile position and turned off the alarm clock. 

Zero and Clay continued to sleep away.

I stood up and ran a tired hand through my hair, watching the steady rise and fall of Zero's chest.

Dammit, he made me feel so weak.

I dug out my clothes for the day and stormed off to the shower.

It was so obvious, really.

I leaned into the scalding spray, letting the water burn at my skin.

I couldn't let him know.

I closed my eyes, my hand clenching into an involuntary fist.

He'd gotten to me...

I turned off the water and started drying off.

I had feelings for Zero.

It was undeniable.

But I'd be damned if he or anyone else ever found out.

He made me feel weak. Therefore, I had to assert my dominance.

He wanted me to make a choice?

I'd make a choice.

Zero was about to experience my fury in full force.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Hopefully only one more part to go. I'm prepared to write the hell out of this story and finish it within the month. So we're looking for part 8 out next October?

Comments? Criticisms? Please post a review, it will be greatly appreciated.


	8. Finale

Started on May 28, 2003

Completed on July 17, 2003

Thanks for all your support. Here it finally is, the last part. Enjoy. Or not. ::joy::

::Boring rant::

There's a scene in here that's based off of a scene in the manga that never made it to the anime, but I've presented it a little differently (mostly because I'm not familiar with it and I can't read kanji or pretty much anything Japanese for that matter ^_^;;). I just had to use this scene because it fit so perfectly. Why am I rambling about this? Just letting you know that yes, the Psycho Hiead scene is an actual scene from the manga, therefore keeping in line with the idea that this story can fit into the MK timeline and therefore making Hiead x Zero valid VALID damn you! but that the scene is not the actual scene because Kitsune can't read so she decided to go crazy with it and make it her own so its based on the scene but its not scene and is horribly TERRIBLY inaccurate. Is this making sense? Make me stop typing. Shut up Kitsune. Okay. Just write the damn story. Okay. Writing now. This is the end. Beautiful friend. Sha-zaam.

__

Dark and Light - Part 8

By Silver Kitsune

"Holy- Zero, wake up!"

I was being dragged out of bed before I could even process what was going on.

"We are so late! Come on, Zero!"

My eyes flickered open a bit as I thumped onto the ground and a pile of clothes were dumped in my lap.

"Oi, Clay, why are you running around the room like that so early in them morning?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

"Training starts in less than 10 minutes!!!" Clay wailed, dashing around the room in a scramble to get ready for class.

I blinked a couple of times and yawned, attempting to process what was going on around me. It took me a second to realize what Clay was actually saying.

"AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Then the two of us were off and running, trying desperately to make it to the curriculum on time.

"Why did you have to stay up all night?!" Clay wailed.

"It couldn't be help!" I replied, my exhaustion beginning to catch up with me as my breathing became heavier.

"Come on, hurry up!" Yamagi called in annoyance as he waited by the elevator.

"We're coming, we're coming!" I cried, trying to overcome my tiredness and run faster.

As we began to climb into the elevator, I noted the conspicuous absence of one of our classmates.

"Where's Hiead?" I asked.

"He went on ahead," Yamagi said matter-of-factly.

That kind of pissed me off. But I couldn't really let it bother me at the moment. I had more important things on my mind. My dream from the night before suddenly demanded some attention.

"Clay, have you ever forgotten your own mother's face?"

Unlike Hiead, Clay was quite comforting as he responded, trying to soothe my quandary with his logic. Sure, I didn't really follow what he was saying, but it was nice to know that he didn't look down on me for forgetting something so important. He made it seem like it was not such a big deal.

I felt a little better.

Then the elevator reached our floor and we were off and racing again. We reached Azuma just in time, collapsing to the floor in sheer exhaustion.

"Well, I see you all made it in time," the instructor said, glancing at his watch. "Let's get ready to begin. Now get off your lazy asses and stand to greet your seniors."

I sighed, pushing myself to my feet. I turned to look at Hiead, but he wouldn't even meet my glance. "Damn that bastard..." I muttered to myself. "He could have woken us up."

"Zero Enna-kun?"

I was pulled out of my seething to see that a new person had entered the room.

"I am Erts Virny Cocteau, your partner for the next few days."

Hiead and my mother were now pushed into the back of my consciousness. It was time to begin one of the most important curriculums of my life.

* * * * *

Erts, Rome, Kizna, and I now sat outside of the pro-ing room, reflecting over our curriculum and how incredibly AWESOME I was. Yep, I was feeling pretty good right about then. Erts and I had made a great pair. And did I mention how well I did? Ah, but what else could be expected? After all, I was definitely going to be a pilot!

"What's with the dopey grin?" Kizna asked, eyeing me strangely.

"Nothing~" I said, grinning even brighter as I leaned back against the wall, resting my head against the back of my arms.

"You're such a dork," she said with a laugh.

I stuck my tongue out at her, grinning all the while.

Erts and Rome exchanged a glance, chuckling at our childishness.

It felt good.

I wish that feeling could last.

"Well, that was a waste of my time."

I glanced up to find Hiead and Ikhny leaving the training room. Hiead turned to flash me a smirk.

I just rolled my eyes at him, but it caused his smirk to grow wider.

There was something about his smile that caused a chill to run up my spine.

"What do you mean _a waste of your time_?" I asked, taking a step in front of him.

Hiead took another step forward so that we were now standing face-to-face, his eyes boring into my own. "You know how it is... fighting someone so incredibly inferior to yourself... Then again, maybe you don't."

"I've fought with you before, haven't I?" I replied, returning his smirk and feeling rather pleased with myself.

Hiead laughed softly, his red eyes sparking dangerously. "Oh, poor, naive, little Zero. He has no idea, does he?"

"What are you talking about?" I straightened up a bit in an attempt to look taller and more authoritative. I felt Kizna step closer to my side.

Hiead continued to smirk.

There was something dangerous about the way he was looking. I felt another shudder. "What did you do?"

"Training can be so boring sometimes. I was just having a little fun."

"What did you do?" I repeated, trying to sound angry instead of terrified. Something was not right.

Hiead reached over and tipped up my chin with his thumb. His eyes glinted as he dropped my chin and walked away. "Why don't you go and ask Yamagi?"

"Why would I-" I froze. Hiead's fight was against Yamagi...

Suddenly I was running back into the training room, eyes darting around frantically. Azuma was leaning against the wall, filling out some papers as one of the nurses waited by him anxiously.

"Old Man, what happened to Yamagi?" I demanded.

Azuma ignored me, but the nurse looked over toward me. "He's been transported to the hospital ward."

"The... hospital ward?" I repeated, pausing for a moment to let the words sink in. The moment passed, the words were in, and I was out the door, jumping Hiead and throwing wild punches, not looking but just hoping that some of them would connect.

Hiead threw me off of him and rolled across the floor. He leapt to his feet and I followed in suit.

"What is it Zero, is something the matter?" Hiead taunted.

"You bastard!" I yelled, diving at him again.

Hiead dodged, then swung around and punched me in the stomach. I caught his shirt collar and attempted to punch him in the face but he shoved me away. I was so angry that I didn't even know what I was doing, I was just trying desperately to hit Hiead, to cause him any pain that I could.

"What the hell do you morons think that you're doing?" Azuma snapped, dragging me away from Hiead.

"Let go!" I screamed, still throwing wild punches.

"EIGHTY EIGHT!" Azuma shouted in my ear, pressing me against the wall as he locked my arms behind me. "Settle down NOW!"

I could feel the cool tile against my cheek as my senses slowly returned to me.

"Can I let go?" an annoyed Azuma asked.

I just nodded, sinking to the floor as he let me go. As I looked up, all I could see was the disappointment in Azuma's eyes.

"Explanation?"

I just looked away, pressing my forehead to my knee.

"Well, then I have no choice but to demerit you and reassign your pro-ing partner."

I sat there quietly. What could I say in my defense? Of course, then my eyes met Hiead's. I almost jumped up and strangled him, but I somehow controlled myself as I felt Azuma's weighty gaze on my shoulders.

I couldn't believe him. He put Yamagi in the hospital. The _hospital_. And what for? His own amusement?

But it was more than that. He'd done it to get at me. It was a sign, a warning.

Was this his answer to my earlier demand?

__

Make a goddamn choice, you can either have me or you can live without me, but you don't get it both ways.

Last night we had held each other, today we were trying to kill one another. Life's gorgeous like that.

* * * * *

I absently traced my finger over the window, outlining the shape of Zion that hovered just outside of my grasp.

Kizna sighed, sliding her arm around me and pressing her cheek to my shoulder. "It'll be fine."

"I blew it," I replied, tiredly closing my eyes.

"Of course not," Kizna said, rubbing my arm soothingly.

"Did you see the look in that old man's eyes? He was furious. But even worse, he was... disappointed."

"It wasn't your fault. Hiead provoked you. I'm sure that Instructor will recognize that."

I just shook my head in defeat.

Kizna sighed, sitting up straight.

And then she slapped me. Across the face.

"What the hell was that for?" I snapped, leaping to my feet.

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself and just promise me that you won't let Hiead get the better of you like that again," Kizna said, waggling her finger at me.

"Yeah, yeah, sure."

"Good," Kizna said with a smile.

I smiled back, dropping back down to the ground and leaning my head against hers. 

"You know, sometimes you're kind of good at this partner thing," I said.

The two of us sat there quietly, gazing out at Zion as we drifted by.

The sliding door suddenly brought us back to reality. There was Erts, smiling as he saw me. "Ah, Zero-kun, I'm glad that I found you."

"Oh, hi Erts," I replied.

Kizna elbowed me. "Stand up," she hissed in my ear.

"Oi, yeah, fine," I muttered, pushing myself to my feet. I performed a lopsided salute. "So what brings you down here?"

"I wanted to ask you if you would like to go and train in Cueval with me," Erts replied, suppressing a laugh at the sight of my pitiful saluting. I appreciated the show of restraint on his part.

"Really?" I asked, watching Erts nod. "Yeah, that'd be really cool."

"I've already had Rome set it up, so would you like to go down now?"

"Okay, let's go," I said cheerfully, grabbing Kizna's arm and dragging her along with me.

"You can't just drag me around like a rag doll!" Kizna snapped as we made our way down the hallway, shoving my arm away.

I just smiled.

I wasn't going to let Hiead bring me down. He wasn't going to get to me.

Really.

I swear...

* * * * *

I felt truly alive as Erts and I battled in the Cueval simulation. For a pacifist, Erts was a pretty damn good fighter. I couldn't believe how quickly he responded to each of my moves, how smoothly he counterattacked. It was clear to see why he was the top candidate in GOA.

Of course, that gave me all the more reason to beat him.

I became completely absorbed in the fight, with the rest of the world slowly fading away. Even Kizna's voice began to slip away into nothingness.

All that existed was myself and my opponent.

Battling with Erts was like poetry, skirmishes flowing into one another in a steady stream, then suddenly diverging only to meet again.

It felt... peaceful.

So of course it had to shatter.

Erts and I were soaring through a meteor shower, ducking behind rocks and sniping at one another. I watched as Erts disappeared behind a pair of rocks and I waited for him to reemerge. Only... he didn't.

"Erts?" I called out, but there was no answer. Not that you should answer your enemy in the middle of a battle, but there was something strange about this silence.

"Oh, God, Zero, you have to get out of the simulation!" Kizna cried, breaking into the emptiness.

"Wha?"

"Zero, get out of there!" Kizna screamed.

And then it hit me.

Literally.

Someone had attacked me from behind. Hard.

"Erts!" I cried, rubbing my head. "That seriously hurt..."

He attacked again, slamming me in the head with his saber.

"What are you trying to do, kill me?" I asked, whirling around with my own saber raised.

"I see you've got the idea."

I froze.

"Hiead?"

The pro-ing attacked me again, but I was too shocked to protect myself. I cried out in pain as the blow sent me flying backwards.

"What's going on?" I called out to anyone who happened to be listening.

"Zero-kun, you've got to remove yourself from the simulation," Erts said, his usually calm voice sounding slightly stressed as it crackled over the intercom. "Hiead has br-"

I didn't hear the rest as my assailant was once again on the move, charging at me with pure fury.

This time I was ready.

* * * * *

On the outside of the simulation, Kizna was frantically trying to override the block that was keeping Zero trapped within Cueval. She also had to reactivate the support lines which were somehow unresponsive when she tried to cut them. Rome and Erts were attempting to help, but even between the three of them a resolution remained unclear.

Kizna finally gave up, slamming her hand against the machine. "Let him out!" she screamed, banging her other fist against it. It became like a drum as her fists hit it over and over again. "Let him out! He's going to kill him!"

Rome caught Kizna's wrist and placed it at her side. She quietly hugged the other girl, then turned to Erts. The two exchanged a glance. Erts nodded, then turned to leave.

"I'll go and get the instructor..."

Erts disappeared out of the sliding door, leaving the girls behind.

Kizna sniffed, pressing her cheek against Rome's shoulder. "He'll kill him if we don't pull them out of there..."

Rome patted her shoulder soothingly. "Zero won't go down without a fight..."

"I-I know, but..." Kizna shuddered, remembering the murderous look in Hiead's eyes when he had burst into the room. He had forced his way into the simulation looking for blood.

What had made him so angry? No, angry wasn't the word. It didn't even begin to cover the depths of Hiead's rage.

Kizna shuddered again.

That look in his eyes...

And what about Ikhny? She had silently shuffled into the room behind Hiead, her eyes screaming a warning as she desperately tried to figure out what to do next. Even now, as she stood tucked off in the corner, her confusion seemed to overwhelm her as she was torn between supporting her partner and doing what was right.

Suddenly, Kizna was feeling a little pissed.

Who was Hiead to screw around with everyone that she cared about? Kizna was growing a little tired of watching Zero and Ikhny being dragged through the mud because of that asshole...

Kizna was back on her feet, frantically trying to hack into the console and end the simulation.

"Don't worry, Zero, I'm getting you out!"

She didn't receive a reply, but she didn't expect one.

The only sounds escaping from the simulation were the sounds of battle and the screams of a mad man.

* * * * *

"You're worthless, you're nothing!" he screamed, never ceasing in his attacks.

"And you're fucking psycho!" I screamed back, now able to match his furious attacks with my own rage. I really didn't take kindly to be randomly attacked and belittled. Especially not by my mentally unbalanced sometimes boyfriend.

Hiead's saber kept coming at me as he continued screaming. "I won't let you do this to me! I won't!"

"Do what?!" I screeched back. "You're the one trying to kill me!"

"I won't let you!"

Well apparently, he wasn't going to let me. What the hell did that even mean? I hadn't done anything. In fact, I should have been the one randomly attacking him for all the shit that he's pulled on me. The more I thought about it, the angrier _I_ got.

"Who do you think you are?" I cried. "You think that you're so above everyone else that you can just do whatever you please?"

"I _am_ above you! You can't even touch me!"

"Get over yourself!" I snapped, locking hands with Hiead's pro-ing, then shoving him away.

"What do you know?" Hiead demanded as he charged at me again. "You are just a worthless, spoiled _brat_," he said, enunciating the last three words slowly and clearly.

"Well it's better than being a whiny, deranged _baby_ who thinks he's God!"

Everything began to become a blur. Fighting, screaming, and pain, that was all that there was.

And then it stopped.

I blinked, staring at the machinery in front of me.

I didn't know what had happened, but I didn't care. Only one thought consumed me.

_Hiead._

I burst free from the machine and ran out into the main room. Kizna was waiting expectantly.

"Oh, Zero, you're okay!" she cried, almost in tears.

Hiead emerged from his Cueval system, his eyes burning.

I started towards him, my own eyes burning.

"Zero, no!" Kizna said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back.

Azuma appeared, pulling Hiead back as well.

Our eyes never left one another's.

"Let go," I hissed softly.

Hiead was shifting in Azuma's grasp, looking ready to pounce.

I shook off Kizna's hand sharply and took a step forward. Kizna quickly jumped in front of me, holding her hands up as if to stop me. "Zero, come on, calm down. Please," she pleaded.

All I wanted was to destroy Hiead. Nothing was going to get in my way.

She was blocking my path.

And then Hiead smirked at me.

I was blinded with fury. I charged at him, fists swinging, not taking the time to aim. I wasn't quite sure what happened after that, all I remember was a blur of fists and screaming before Hiead and I were dragged apart. There were flashing lights, loud voices...

I closed my eyes and let it all drop away.

* * * * *

"You're all set to go," Dr. Rill said as she finished treating the last cut.

"Thanks," I murmured, hopping down from the table.

I walked slowly out of the infirmary, staring at the floor. Everything hurt. This might not be rock bottom but it was pretty close.

Azuma was pissed at me. We only hurt his arm a little. Kizna was pissed at me. Well, okay, so maybe I accidentally hit her. Hiead was pissed at me but then again what else was new.

Well good for them. But you know what? Maybe I was a little pissed. Sure, I regretted doing what I did, letting Hiead get to me like that. But I was the one getting screwed over here.

I guess I really am as simple as everyone says that I am. All I ever wanted was to become a pilot. Is it so much to ask? Is it so lofty a goal? So how did everything get so complicated?

Well, the answer was pretty simple.

Love.

Love be damned.

I wanted my nice, blissfully simple life back.

Clay and Roose were waiting for me when I got back to my room.

"You hit Kizna?"

"You hit Azuma?"

"Did you at least hit Hiead a couple of times?"

"Are you going to be expelled?"

I sighed, collapsing to my bed in exhaustion. "Yes, no comment, of course, and I'm on probation. So enough with the questions."

"Well, here's the important one," Clay said, leaning in. "What are you going to do the next time that you see Hiead?"

I closed my eyes, trying to come up with a response. My head hurt too much to think, so I just responded with a shrug.

"Well you better hurry up and decide seeing as how he will probably be returning this, his room, shortly..." Clay pointed out.

I groaned, then took in a deep breath.

This was it. If we got into another big fight I was going to be kicked out of GOA. I guess this is what Hiead wanted all along. Screw with my mind, screw me, screw me over.

"Do you want us to be here? For moral support and all?" Roose asked.

I shook my head. "I need to do this on my own."

Roose looked relieved.

I don't blame him. I wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing Hiead either. Seeing as how he tried to kill me and all.

Of course, now that I had time to think about it, I realized that while I was definitely angry at Hiead, I was more hurt than anything else.

Because Jesus Christ I was still in love with the asshole.

So as incredibly pathetic as this sounds, I wanted to know what I did wrong that made him hate me so much.

Why was I blaming myself, Hiead was the one at fault here... I needed to be kicked in the head a few times. Where was Kizna when I needed her?

This had to stop.

"Zero, just don't do anything stupid," Clay said, leaning into my line of vision.

I sat up and rested my chin on my knees. "Yeah, yeah..."

"Zero, seriously," Clay said, sliding off his glasses and looking me in the eye. "Hiead is dangerous. Don't get hurt."

Translation: Hiead is scum, stop making out with him.

"Thanks, Clay," I replied, offering him a half smile.

It was about then that the door opened and Hiead himself entered into the room. All I could do was stare as he coolly ignored me. 

"Are you sure you want us to go?" Clay asked in a lowered voice.

I glanced over at Hiead who was looking at something on his desk, then nodded. "I need to take care of some things."

"Okay..." Clay said, eyeing me uncertainly. "I guess we'll be going then."

Roose leapt to his feet and opened the door. "Bye!" he intoned cheerfully, but it was rather obvious that he was anxious to get out of there.

Clay started to follow in suit, but paused in the doorway and turned to look back at me. "Zero..."

"I'll see you later," I replied, waving him off.

And then we were alone.

I tapped my fingers on the bed anxiously, waiting for Hiead to acknowledge my presence.

He took his damn sweet time. When he finally turned around, I had just about worn a hole through my sheets.

Let me tell you, I was ready to give that boy a piece of my mind.

But then he looked at me, his red eyes locking onto mine.

They weren't the taunting eyes of before, but they weren't exactly warm and friendly either.

All I know is that they took away my ability to speak with their sharpness.

Hiead took a step forward. I suppressed the urge to flinch, trying to maintain steady eye contact.

He reached out his hand, pressing it to my cheek.

I slapped it away. "Don't touch me," I growled threateningly.

"I'll do whatever I want," Hiead replied, grabbing my arm harshly.

Oh, I wanted to hit him. But I knew that I couldn't. Fighting with Hiead meant getting kicked out of GOA and that just wasn't an option. No matter how much I wanted to kick his face in.

So instead I just took in a deep breath.

"Let go and cut the bullshit," I said evenly, quite pleased with my show of restraint.

Hiead's grip tightened on my arm.

Well wasn't he just a little bitch? I _really_ wanted to hit him. The fact that I refrained should have put me up for sainthood.

"Why?" I finally snapped at him. "Why are you doing this? Why did you attack me today, and why did you attack Yamagi?"

He didn't answer at first, but then his grip began to loosen until his fingertips fell away from my skin and he turned away from me. "Because you make me feel."

I was rather surprised to get a straight answer from him, so it took a bit to comprehend his statement. "Feel? Feel what?"

He stared at me angrily, annoyed that I didn't just comprehend his twisted Hiead logic. "Feel what?" he repeated. "Feel anything, everything! Emotions." He spat out the last word with extreme contempt.

I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hand. "That's... bad?"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say as Hiead's full weight was thrown at me and I found myself pinned roughly to the floor. "Of course it's bad, you imbecile! I will not be brought down by the likes of you," he growled, digging his nails into one of my cuts from earlier.

Could I hit him now? But I wasn't about to interrupt this rare glimpse into Hiead's psyche. So I just lay there quietly, listening to him rant at me.

"Look what you've done to me, look what I've become! I'm like one of you simpering humans, talking about my goddamn feelings, breaking down, holding you through the night. I won't let you do it anymore, Zero, I won't let you take control. I'll kill you before I let that happen..."

Since my arms were pinned to my sides, I decided to offer Hiead a friendly headbutt, smashing our foreheads together.

His eyes widened as I lay back against the floor, one of his hands lifting up subconsciously to rub at the bruise.

"You're fucked up, you know that?" I said, glaring at him.

Hiead raised an eyebrow.

"Guess what, Hiead. No matter how special you think you are, you're just a normal human being, just like the rest of us."

"You don't know anything," he replied with a sneer.

"No, you're the one who doesn't know anything. How about you stop pretending and start accepting your own feelings."

"I don't have any feelings!" he screamed, digging deeper into my cut and drawing blood.

"Oh, just lay off it," I said, rolling my eyes. I must've had a serious death wish, because otherwise I would never have continued to provoke Hiead so much. It was probably because he'd been pissing me off so much, but you'd think I'd have a bit more concern for my own well being.

"Lay off it?" Hiead laughed to himself. It was eerie.

But I couldn't stop now. I was seeing this through. "You know what I think?"

"What do you think?" Hiead asked, leaning in so that his face hovered centimeters over my own. His smile held a threatening edge.

"I think..." I began, my breath whispering against his cheek.

Hiead leaned in closer so that his lips brushed over my ear. "You think?"

"...that you are in love with me," I said, nipping at his ear. I was dead anyway, might as well have fun.

Hiead laughed again, but this laugh was even creepier. "Maybe you're right."

I froze, shock overtaking me. "W-what?" I whispered incredulously.

Hiead smiled, kissing me softly on the cheek. "And that's why I'm going to kill you."

I attempted to steady my erratic breathing, feeling Hiead's breath remain steady as it echoed over my cheek. One shouldn't be so calm when threatening to kill someone. "Hiead..."

Hiead absently traced my cheekbone with his fingertip, then followed that path with gentle kisses.

God, I was melting. "Does death always feel this good?" I murmured.

This time Hiead's laugh was soft and natural.

He's bipolar, I swear... But what did I care? I smiled as Hiead started running warm kisses down my bare throat, sucking lightly, teasingly...

He wasn't going to make a choice, I don't think he was capable. But I guess I was just being selfish in asking that of him. Hiead and I would never have any semblance of a normal relationship. I could just end it myself, but...

Love really is blind.

I lazily ran my fingers over Hiead's spine, settling my other hand on his bare arm.

This was a bad choice.

I could never be happy being so involved with Hiead. If Hiead didn't kill me first, I'd probably kill him. I could see it now, the absolute hopelessness of this relationship. I thought about the people whom it had hurt, of Kizna, Yamagi, even Azuma and Clay.

So why didn't I pull away?

The same reason he didn't.

We were tied together by a bond so deep that no matter how painful it was, we could never just break it.

This would never work out, that I was sure of. But until the day that everything fell apart, I just wanted to be a stupid teenage boy in love.

I grinned impishly, pushing at Hiead and forcefully rolling on top of him. "Guess what," I said, my eyes sparkling.

"What now?" Hiead asked, sounding annoyed, but I could tell that he really wasn't.

"You're a moooron," I chirped, flicking him in the forehead.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Hiead asked with an annoyed scowl.

"It means that I love you," I replied easily, kissing the tip of his nose and grinning widely.

"You are so weird..."

"Threaten to kill me again and then explain to me why I'm the weird one..."

"Idiot."

I guess you just need to live day by day. You never know what is going to happen next, but who cares? Hiead might try to kill me again tomorrow, but for now I will enjoy how incredibly talented that boy is with his hands.

"I love you."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it already."

Happy endings are for fairy tales.

This was far more interesting.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Eleven and a half pages and it's done. Ta da! Kitsune is pleased. I actually like this part. Which probably means that everyone else hates it, but that's perfectly OK! Thanks for all your support, such nice reviews ^_^ Yay for everyone who stuck with me. You roooooock! I should whore my writing out more often, it's fun! Ah, 12:47 a.m. Note to self: writing and Adult Swim don't mix. ::dance::

More HieadxZero? I don't know. Let's see where the wind takes us.

Kisses and love, oh my, I'm tearing up...

Ciao!


End file.
